掙脫 - 關於自由的故事
掙脫 - 關於自由的故事
掙脫
一個關於自由的故事
由卡林林奎斯特
在晚上，事情發生了轉變 Andil內。 出現的東西從她的心靈深處，她不知道的東西，因為她是一個小的孩子，她一直努力的東西，像其他人一樣在二十三世紀，要推後，隱藏，她已經忘記了的東西。
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她醒來的聲音輕柔的音樂在她的左耳。 她的右耳機已經下降了夜間。 投擲的涵蓋從她的身體，她周圍挖她的床，發現它，堵住回英寸一時間，她靜靜地躺在，享受音樂。
很少有人還不屑於聽音樂。 Andil想不出任何成分建立在過去的50年。 該法2189沒有聲樂造成眾多企業破產整個音樂產業。 幾年後，通過一項法律，禁止所有發言者都具有良好的距離超過 15米，完全殺業。 因此，現在唯一的合法音樂，是沒有東西的話，唯一的辦法一個人能聽它是通過個人的耳機。 沒有人願意聽別人的音樂，歌詞，幾乎所有的歌曲至少輕度得罪某人，某處。 該法已修正了這一問題。
Andil走出床和衣櫃裡走去，這意味著把她的冬季制服，但中途在那裡，她看到的東西。 她已經做到了這 1萬次，得到了床，走到她的衣櫃裡，但是，它從來沒有這種感覺。 她低頭看著她幾乎赤裸的身體，然後抬頭看著鏡頭單位在牆上，看她。 她不記得曾經看直接在相機而穿著這樣。 一直有一個擔心，一些人的眼睛會看到圖像。 有些變態的電腦黑客陷入執法系統和偷窺她。 從邏輯上講，她知道這是不可能的旁邊，但恐懼仍然存在。 相信大家都受夠了。 但今天不同的感覺。 她微笑著的形象，奇怪的瘋子，流口水了他的電腦屏幕上，來到她的心。 或者，也許 PE是厭惡我，她想。 太噁心看看了，也許。
她虛構歪曲遺忘，一個非常奇怪和外來思想來到她的心： 也許我不會穿衣服呀。她的心停止工作了幾秒鐘的想法，她甚至覺得這樣的事情是沉沒英寸是的，她想。 我就跨出了一會兒我的臥室，走動的公寓。 沒有人會看到我，對不對？ 不，當然不是。 沒有人會看到我，除了執法攝像機和他們不計。 是的，是的，我想我會去做。 和她採取了謹慎的一步之遙從她的衣櫃，向臥室的門。 停頓幾秒鐘後，她帶的另一個步驟，更容易與他們成為了她的每個。 最後她到了門口，碰到激活墊，期待它要求把一些衣服，她首次。 相反，如果沒有健全的下滑打開。 沒有任何非法約走動在自己的公寓沒有穿制服，公正，只要沒有人能看到。
當她走到謹慎到客廳，她看到的窗戶都是黑色的。 他們通常不喜歡這一點，但當然，她並沒有穿一般四處流浪只是內衣。
靜靜地站立在中間的房間，她做了幾個 360度的轉彎，只是為了確保沒有人能看到的。 然後，她摘下耳機從她的耳朵，並設置它們的咖啡桌上。 而她聽到的聲音的城市：有軌電車 40以下故事，一個直升機通過某處的開銷。 還有人在那裡。
這是白痴！ 她突然想起，幾乎轉身狂奔回臥室穿衣服。 但她停了下來。 沒有，沒有。 沒有人能看到我。 如果他們能，他們會在這種情況下的犯罪，而不是我。 沒有什麼非法約遊蕩在你的公寓像這樣。 很少有人這樣做，但沒有什麼不妥。
也許我應該問的計算機，以使窗戶清楚。
沒有沒有。 讓我們在這一步的時候。 她還難以習慣了這一點。
Andil到飯廳及編程到她的早餐食品的計算機。 三分鐘過後，她的熱氣騰騰的穀物和柚子出現在自動售貨機。 她靜靜地吃。 阿緊張度增長，她看了看她的肚子在她的肩膀幾次，只是為了確保沒有人能看到她。
故事的爆竊來了主意。 這是一個共通點，一對夫婦百年前。 人們衝進屋偷東西。 她還聽說有人burglarizing別人每對夫婦年。 它一點點安慰她知道，任何人犯下這種罪行將被就地處決。 這是唯一的罪行值得這樣的懲罰。 即使兇手被容忍，因為，最多80到100年監禁。 入侵的隱私是不能接受的。
整理她的飯，菜放在Andil在處置室，回到客廳。 她站著，向它的緊張度建成的最大，並說，“清除Windows，請。”
“你是著裝不當”之稱的單性電腦化的聲音。
“你是什麼意思？”她反駁道。 “我穿衣服。”
“你是穿著不當。 有人可能會看到你。 請穿上制服。 然後，我可以明確的窗戶。“
“誰會來看我？ 我們 40的故事了。“
“有房子在街對面。”
“這條街的16通道寬！”她知道這是無用的爭論，但Andil是獲得樂趣。
“伸縮儀器可以很容易地看到那麼遠。”
“因此，讓他們看看。 你看著我。“
“我是一個電腦。 我不是要冒犯編程人體，或通過判斷它。 該窗口將保持不透明，直到你穿上足夠的衣服。“
Andil抱怨，轉向了臥室。 “電腦就像一個土堆的屎，”她低聲說，幾乎無聲。 她不是那個意思，她感到欣慰的是秘密的計算機將不會把她的請求。
“使用不恰當的語言在私人領域是一個半信貸的罰款。 這些資金從您的帳戶中扣除。“
“一個半額？”Andil說。
“用這樣的語言附近另一人是30學分，”那聲音警告。
“一個半額？ 這沒什麼。“
“在我的電腦認為，一個沒有任何信用的一半。 信用是一個一半一半的功勞。“
Andil微笑著搖搖頭在白痴爭論。 “好吧，如果我把一個夏天的制服？ 你會清楚的窗戶呢？“
“但它不是夏天。 這是冬天。“
“我知道，”Andil說。 “但是你會做嗎？”
“一個夏季制服是可以接受的。”
“謝謝你。”她繼續朝她的臥室。 她笑了廣泛，無法幫助它。 “嘿，”她說。 “你想知道我怎麼想半信用是什麼？”
“我想知道，”電腦回答。 “你的意見很重要。”
“在我的人認為，”她說，“一個半信貸就像一個小小的一塊狗屎。”而她爆發出歇斯底里的笑聲。
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數以百計的人，都在相同的藍色，黑色和白色制服擁擠的街道上的所有方面。 每個人有一個人工毛皮內襯罩。 一些穿著蓋在他們頭上，有些讓他們掛了他們回來。 由於 Andil茫然地盯著她的公寓樓門口，她意識到，頭套是唯一的事情，標誌著這些人作為個人。 如果溫度下降，他們都會是相同的，就像無性系一家工廠工作。
她出門，她率領的方式對工作。 這本來是一天像任何其他的一天，但一點什麼錯誤。 她看見她的人走了，他們好像沒有什麼比機器人，有條不紊地處理日常業務，不說任何人，因為他們害怕得罪，盯著地面，以避免眼睛接觸。
願景的一個裸體的身體來到她的心。 它穿過人群。 它尖叫著這樣的呼聲的喜悅 Andil從未聽說過的或想像。 他們將到時再看看，不會吧？ 他們的嘴巴會下降，他們會站在開放和凝視，忘記他們的例程。 然後，他們會談論彼此。
這是荒謬的！她想。 人們看到人體被認為是地球上進攻的事情。 這些無辜的人可能是太震驚地繼續自己的生活。 這將是殘酷的。
但是，如果有某人那裡誰是如此瘋狂的體育不關心？ 有人誰可以運行通過的人潮赤裸人民，而不是擔心他們認為每？ 一個人必須有這樣的地方。 人們習慣這樣做的東西幾百年前，不是嗎？ 這將是最終的自由，她想， 能脫下所有的衣服，被看作是其他人，並不在意。
她搖搖頭在荒謬的想法，並增加她的步伐。
她檢查她的手錶。 上午09時 43分，2253年12月25日。
日期沒有舉行任何意義了。 她走過的店面沒有表現出任何的古老節日提醒，一旦在這一天慶祝。 顯示事物假期有關大眾已取締的進攻。 人們可以記住的日子不再有任何具體的慶祝活動，雖然很少有人記得自己的生日。 新年的一天，只是這一年改變：否則毫無意義。
Andil往前走，試圖再度陷入她的正常例行的，但她發現，她是愈走愈遠。 她想告訴她，她只是在人群中的另一面，卻發現自己看的人，思想， 他們都從不同的你。 他們都如此不同，但你不能不被其中之一。
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她坐在她的房間，試圖讓她的心在工作在手。 她應該是制訂計劃某人的花園，但在計算機上起草方案仍然空白。
Andil檢查她的手錶。 中午午餐時間差不多。 或許我可以起飛幾分鐘年初，她想。 我沒獲得我在這裡做什麼。
站在她打開門，她的房間，並鎖定它在她身後。 三個門下來，她停了下來。 這是銀的房間。 也許我應該問，每到吃飯，我今天，她想。 但我問過5次，幾乎每本月初。 體育並沒有要求我幾乎很多倍。 我不知道感覺好像體育體育的受到騷擾。
人稱代詞的使用均來自 Andil字'人'。 使用的話'他'和'她'在幾年前被取締，認為性別歧視。 在這個時候，沒有人知道，這些話曾經存在過。
她幾乎轉過身去，而是停了下來。 她的心情有些公司。
片刻後，她已響蜂鳴器，銀回答，稱從內部，“我歡迎你到銀的辦公室，起草部門。”
“早上好銀。 這是Andil。 我希望我沒有打擾你。“
“你沒有打擾我，”銀說。 “你願意來嗎？”
“我？”
“請。”
“謝謝你，”她說，她打開了門。
銀站了起來，從後面搬出桌子，並提出了手Andil。 握手是堅定和明確。 目前，他們取得了聯繫，Andil帶她的眼睛，以滿足銀的。 正確的禮儀要求，避免接觸眼睛，直到談話正式開始，但堅持在整個交談。
“你要我關閉大門，還是你更喜歡它打開了？”Andil問。
“無論你喜歡就可以了，”銀說。 “你介意我坐下嗎？”
“那好起來的。 當我離開的門打開。“
座位自己，對其他銀示意椅子在房間裡。 “如果你想坐的好，請。”
“謝謝你。”
“要什麼我欠高興這次訪問，Andil？”銀問道。
“我想問問你，如果你會照顧我一起吃午飯。 如果你已事先約定，我完全理解。 這只是一個想法。“
“我還沒有作出任何事先約定，我會享受美食與你同在”銀說，檢查他的手錶。 “這是一個有點早，但，是不是？”
“我很抱歉，”Andil回答說很快。 “我不是故意打擾你的工作時間一一我那麼粗心大意。 我回來以後，如果你的願望。“
銀停頓了一下。 “號 我可以起飛幾分鐘早。 我已經有一個相當的生產晨。 你會想去哪裡？“
她提出了若干建議，餐館，詢問他的想法。 他們很快商定之一。
他們走出辦公室在一起，銀停止了鎖門。 他們並肩走到大廳。 在1點銀低頭看著她的肩膀，發現這是不到15厘米他。 沒有多大的差距。 小心，盡量不要讓 Andil通知，銀慢慢增加距離。 靠近另一個人對他非常可怕。 該協會培訓了他。
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Andil觀看銀了一會兒，因為他將自己對烤奶酪三明治和採取了微小的，精確的叮咬。 這似乎完全正常的人吃這樣的餐用刀子和叉子。 即使如此，她發現很難把她的眼睛過世，她意識到她正盯著。
銀保持他的目光鎖定在她的眼睛。 這是正確的事情，儘管他們都相當平靜。 每幾分鐘，他看一眼就可以在他的食物，看看他在做什麼，但他試圖保持這一到最低限度。
Andil低頭看著她的漢堡。 她凝視了很久，知道她應該是更佳的眼睛接觸，但她不是在情緒自我控制。 也許漢堡是一個壞主意，她想。 很難吃正常。 漢堡是最好留給私人時間。 她想她可能只是撿起來吃掉她的手。
“Andil？”銀說。 “你介意我問一個比較個人的問題？”
她抬起頭，並會見了他的目光。 “我不介意，”她答道。
“你似乎分心。 是什麼困擾著你嗎？“
她搖搖頭。 “沒有，沒有的困擾著我。 我只是在想，不，這是不合適的。“
銀點點頭，他們又回到默默地吃。 Andil強迫自己做出更好的目光接觸。
體育是如此不同，銀思想。 體育似乎有點與眾不同的。 不，不，這是一個殘忍的事來思考。 我想我這樣做並不意味著它在一個糟糕的選擇，儘管。
體育是一個女性，對不對？他想。 是的，是的，我相信如此。
他不知道這個詞究竟是什麼意思，但不知何故，他知道這就是她。 實知道這兩個詞來形容兩種不同類型的人，但不知道具體怎麼分類的人到這些群體。 通常情況下，他想出了一個直覺告訴他一個人是男性，而另一名女性。 他不知道這一切意味著什麼，但他知道這是不恰當的，他被分類的人，他感到羞愧。
也許我應該問Andil一個開放通信的合同，他想。
不，不，他糾正。 這是荒謬的。 體育永遠不會去了。 愚蠢的想法。
銀並沒有感到有輕微的吸引力甚至對 Andil。 這種感覺已經完全壓制，他什麼都不知道這個概念。 他的理論，Andil是女性和男性，他是為他舉行沒有任何意義。 不過，他仍然感到好奇Andil，並想知道她的好。
Andil繼續望著銀的眼睛，她開始失去自己。 的牆壁突然好像他們面臨關閉，只有前禮儀教師閃現在她面前。 不過，她一直眼睛接觸，好像世界上還有什麼要緊。 她希望她可以只把目光移開了一會兒。 從邏輯上講，她知道，事情不會太多。 它不象銀將進入一個憤怒，如果我失去眼睛接觸。 但她無法使自己相信這一點。
有人潛伏在她身後。 她知道人在那裡，隨時準備抓住她的脖子，如果她不看她的舉止，扼殺她，直到她一致。
整個社會站在她身後，隨時準備抓住和扼殺。 他們都知道她已經犯規了一段時間。 他們站著，等著她去做或說一些不恰當，那麼這將是一段時間，並會全部結束。 她知道他們在那裡。
突然，在她的視野的邊緣，一些感動，她的集中爆發。 她扭過頭去，看到一個赤裸的形式，運行，在另一邊的餐廳。 如果不考慮這個問題，她站著，但沒有說什麼。 赤裸裸的人尖叫著的東西，這樣的大聲尖叫，一個愉快的留言。 Andil指出，但似乎沒有人注意到。 其他食客而不是看著她。 其中最迅速轉過身去，因為這是不禮貌的凝視。
在視覺模糊，Andil意識到它是什麼。 她關閉了她的眼睛緊緊地和他們 halucination開放之前已經消失。 她坐了下來，喘著粗氣。
“對不起，銀，”她說。 “哦，我很抱歉。 我不知道什麼地方錯了我。 我不認為我今天感覺非常好。“
“沒關係，Andil。 我不打擾，“銀說。 “請問你的東西？ 那是什麼呢？“
“對不起，銀，”她說。 “我真的很抱歉。 這是不合適的。“
他茫然地看著她，不知道該說些什麼。 這個想法的開放式溝通的合同來到了主意。 喜歡的東西，讓她告訴他的東西，她認為是不合適的。 銀並沒有忽視這個想法這麼快的時間。 Andil似乎是一個令人驚訝的開放態度的人。
Andil強迫自己盯著回銀。 “你認為你會好起來的，如果我回家？ 我不是說要離開你獨自在這裡，我也不會問這樣的你，如果我沒有感覺這麼厲害。“
“不，沒關係，”銀說。 “我不想讓你在這裡如果你不舒服。 我不介意你離開。 我喜歡你的公司。“他站了起來。 “再見，Andil。”
“再見，銀。”他們握手，打破了眼睛接觸。 Andil轉身朝出口走去，把枯燥的悸動在她的胸部疼痛發展。
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在夜間，她的睡眠不安的東西。
“順應”。
一個聲音，乾燥，發癢，指揮。 “循規蹈矩，”它說。
Andil感到手指在她的脖子。 “順應！”，要求，當Andil回答了不再沉默的手指開始關閉。 “我們已經沒有空間的人喜歡你，”那聲音說。 “你放心，擾亂善良的社會。 我們給你最後一次機會。 符合。“
她沒有回答和手指關閉硬盤。
和她醒了，說這個詞符合自己。 她坐起來，大聲說出來。
在某種程度上，她認為這是正確的選擇。 做一個好人，走與其他人一樣，隱藏你的個性，以避免得罪任何人。 相處。 好，好。 符合。 為了維持秩序在一個社會，每個人都必須是相同的。
在內心深處，雖然，她退縮了思想。 她想知道如果它都已經是夢，其實是有人在那裡她的思想控制，要求她改變自己嗎？
“不，”她大聲說道，她走出床，走出了房間，不考慮穿衣服。
______ ______ ______
她打電話請病假的工作，並決定這一天只掛在她的公寓。 最後，她穿上統一的一個夏天，因為她想看看外面。 她吃了一點點。 她嘗試了一段時間看電視，但發現它太無聊立場。 她認為讀一個故事，但不知道它的荒謬企圖的這一想法。 不可能有任何可用的可能招待她。 書是這些天過於籠統，過於規範。
也許我可以寫東西，她想。 一個故事。 一個人的東西誰有點與眾不同的，誰似乎無法適應，只有一個故事，所有不符合今天的文學準則。
她坐在電腦前面盯著屏幕和近一個半小時，但未能拿出任何東西。 最終，她嘗試寫一些詩歌，其實提出了幾行了。 她知道她不可能展示給任何人，即使她完成的東西。 但她失去了自己的思維過程，無論如何，未來與眾多的詩行來完成，但發現它們太淫穢甚至顯示自己。
不要緊 只要寫的東西。 沒有人會看到它。她閉上了眼睛，深深地吸了一口氣，並讓她下定決心的飛躍。 世界似乎在她的崩潰。 她的重心轉移和一小部分，一個時刻，騎著波頭暈。 打開她的眼睛，一切似乎都恢復正常，身體上說，雖然她突然感到噁心提請她的計算機屏幕，並開始了她的手指在鍵盤上移動。
我是人。
我知道我是人，因為我告訴我是人。
我的女人。
但我告訴我不是。 我告訴我是人，僅此而已。
我是這個世界的一部分。
我說我是世界的一部分。
我是世界的一部分，一個世界的一部分。 我是這個世界的一部分。
然而...我是女人，因為我知道我。
形成自己的文字在短短的幾分鐘，Andil玫瑰花是不閱讀。 她徘徊在圈子，她的心的比賽。 我的心需要從這個空間。 想想別的東西。她低頭看著自己。 我需要改變。 這是冬天。 我在一個夏天的制服。 這是不行的。
她走到她的臥室。 我應該去到衣櫃裡的變化。 我不想看到我的相機。
不，她告訴自己。 適度。 如果這是你是誰，那麼它的時間去適應它。
她開始脫下制服，並再次，發現自己輸了。 她想起了她的變態，看著從他家中的電腦，並克服了一個奇怪的感覺她的感覺。 他的目光突然一把抓住她的想像，並開始移動自己的身體。 她跳舞，消除她的衣服很慢。 她看見他的眼睛，現在從表面上看，她的想像力，邪惡引誘她去上的表現。
一塊一塊，她的衣服倒在地上，直到她只穿著她的內衣。 她跳舞，不知道任何其他方面的她的生命，轉過身來，擴展她後方的攝像頭，但發現自己盯著她的床上，她睡的地方，每天晚上都在嚴密覆蓋，安全從所有這些生病的人在那裡，人誰喜歡觸摸自己，或裸舞前警察相機。
她的胃緊張。
我在做什麼？！她轉過身，看到相機再次，雖然這一次從一個不同的觀點。 她大為不快，覆蓋她與她的武器，但發現它們完全不能接受的。 我暴露！她尖叫著，然後她的衣櫃裡的鴿子，瘋狂到後面爬行，搶掠制服從機架上。 她蓋自己，緊緊地蜷縮在後面的角落，她衣櫃。
我生病了，她想。 噢，我感到很可怕的病。 我是那種人離開他們鎖在邊遠島嶼因反社會行為。 哦，不，什麼是錯的嗎？
她仍然蜷縮在角落裡的一段時間，然後自己平靜下來。 它的所有條件，她對自己說。 我沒有理由感到羞恥。她站起來，拉動冬季制服，深吸一口氣，退出了衣櫃。
所有的一切都感覺正常。 她走到客廳，看到她的詩，仍然坐在電腦。 是的，一個非常生病和扭曲詩...受到社會的標準...但這是我的詩。 就為了我。她救它，它鎖在她的個人檔案。
我一直有一些情緒波動，最近...但是，最後一名，實際上有點樂趣。 我沒有傷害任何人。 我沒有傷害自己。 我會再次看到那首詩一段時間，看看我的腦海中以同樣的方式作出反應。
她走到窗口，望著外面的世界，但並不覺得突然的自由，她剛才。
你要保護我，她想。 因此，許多人在那裡，數十億人民，一切思想的潛在攻擊性的東西，所以你從他們保護我。 你以為我不能處理它，誰知道，也許我沒有，但我永遠不會有機會了解一下。 通過保護我，你中了我，你讓我對自己的囚犯。
這是為自己好。 她知道，這使我們更加努力地反抗。 政府，幾年前，已決定讓人們更容易被自己。 它想個人的榮譽，他們的分歧，因此越來越多的非法形式的嘲笑，並在這樣做時，禁止人的話。 他們再也不能公開展示他們是誰。 政府給了他們自由的任何宗教，他們希望，相信在任何他們願意，只要他們只是做了自己的頭，在其他地方。 雖然試圖榮譽個人，它迫使大家是一樣的。
但這裡是一個人誰不害怕嘲笑，誰，其實最希望的就是多讓人們嘲笑她。 這將意味著她和其他人打破了免費的嚴格界限的社會。 她不會介意有人開玩笑對她，或她的類型，她的幽默，會看到她就笑。 她不會介意有人批評她，她會帶的批評，她會考慮。 她不會哭了。
但是，這不是世界的方式工作。
“這不是它的工作方式，”Andil低聲對她自己，仍然在盯著窗外的街道。
但這是否意味著我必須去與它一起？ 她問自己。
嗯...我得考慮考慮。
______ ______ ______
“Andil？”軟單性電腦語音問。
“是嗎？”
“你有一個信息。”
“消息？ 從誰？“
“人不希望給每名”。
“哦，”Andil說。 “好吧，讓每發言，然後。”
“體育不願直言。 我會轉達什麼體育說。 這是否可以接受的聲音？“
“是的，肯定的。”
“體育希望為您提供一個開放的通信合同。”
她的嘴巴下降開放。 “一個什麼？”
“一個溝通的合同。 這是一個口頭協議，說明兩個人之間的任何一方將得罪被對方說。 它提供了更加公開的溝通能力，和更多的個人。 簽署一項協議，雙方互相認識更加頻繁，通常包括在內。“
Andil沉默。
“你想更詳細的解釋，Andil？”
“不，謝謝你。 我知道它是什麼。“
“難道你能接受的人知道你更好嗎？ 此人曾表示，體育要花費更多的時間和你目前沒有比體育。“
“是的，”Andil說。 “我想我想同意的合同。”
“Andil”的聲音回答。 “在我的電腦認為，這是一個重要的決定。 如果您覺得有任何可能被冒犯，我建議你不接受。“
“不，不。 該合同的細節可以進行談判。 沒有理由為什麼我不應該接受的。“
“你想知道是誰，先？”
“是的，沒問題。 告訴我。“
“請讓每一個時刻告訴我，那將是可以接受的。”
幾秒鐘後：“這是銀，由起草部門在工作中的建設。”
她笑著說。
“是合同後仍接受你知道身份的人？”
“是的。 請讓我們能夠滿足每到討論細節的合同。“
“Andil？”這是銀的聲音。
“您好，銀，”Andil說。 “你怎麼辦？”
“我做得還不錯，謝謝你。 你好嗎？“
“我沒事的很好，謝謝你。 你介意我到這一點，銀？“
他停頓了一下。 “好吧。”
“當我們要開會討論你提出的合同？”
“嗯，”銀開始。 “嗯，我不知道。 你一定要原諒我，Andil，我有點緊張，這一切。“
“你以為你的決定通過第一，對不對？”Andil說，跳繩禮貌的問她能不能問一個私人問題。
銀是措手不及。 “嗯，是的，我也想通過。 這只是我不知道你將如何反應，我的建議。“
“我知道，銀。 你想怎麼來我的公寓今晚討論這個？“
有一個長期的沉默的計算機上，另一端銀解釋說，如果他感到不舒服的所有關於她單獨訪問，他可能不同意。 花了很長的時間來銀決定。 他覺得好像事情可能越來越有點太快了。
“好吧，我能來。”Andil勉強可以聽到他的聲音，但決定不談論它。
“好。 我希望你應該在什麼時候？“
“嗯...也許 45分鐘。 其實，這是好嗎？“
“當然。 我會看到你然後，銀。“Andil對自己微笑，實現她已經忘記了禮貌的問他是否有任何意見在哪裡見面。
______ ______ ______
“我在想如果我能問一下你為什麼沒有在今天的工作”銀說。 “如果你不舒服告訴我，我不介意。”
“我不舒服，”Andil回答。 “不生病的，但它是別的東西。 這很難解釋。“
他點點頭。 “我明白了。”
他們坐在長椅上的Andil的公寓，一公尺把它們分開。 Andil已經穿上冬季制服，並把溫度降低，以彌補額外的衣物。 她已經決定不跳過禮貌的問銀，如果他有一個溫度的偏好。
“我想道歉，如果我出來時，我們聽起來粗魯剛才談到，銀，”Andil說。 “我知道這是沒有任何藉口，但是你的建議種扔我。 不，我不是受寵若驚，我只是感到驚訝。 所以，對不起，如果我是一個有點太苛刻。“
“沒事，Andil。”銀深吸了一口氣。 “你想制定這個合同嗎？”
他們花了將近 20分鐘，商定具體的合同。 銀承認，他希望他們能夠說話和提問的每個其他人一般不容許在一般的交談。 他們一致認為什麼類型的問題可以問對方，他們都保留權利，拒絕回答任何可能出現。 他們一致認為，合同可以在任何時間被打破任何一方，不冒罪行，只說一句，他們希望這樣做。 它基本上是一個標準合同，雖然少一些限制性比大多數。
“所以現在該怎麼辦？”Andil問，在計算機記錄了他們的口頭協議。
“你想吃點什麼？”銀說。
“嗯，我們已經開出了這個美好的合同說，基本上，我們可以要求對方我們想要的東西。 你為什麼不問我一個問題嗎？“
實環視了一下房間，試圖想用東西開始。 “好吧，”他說，拖延時間。 片刻通過。 “多長時間了你住在這間公寓？ 這是一個很好的問題？“
“我在這裡生活了6年。 My last apartment was across town.”
They stared silently at each other. “Do you want a turn?” Sil asked.
“Is this the first time you've ever drawn up a communication contract with anyone?” Andil popped off immediately.
“This is my first time. How about you?”
“First time,” Andil said. “I'll ask another one. Are you the parent of anyone?”
Sil was caught off guard by that one. The question wasn't any more personal than the first one, but he had more to say in reply. He started off slowly. “No, I have no offspring, but I almost did at one point.”
Andil hadn't been expecting a lead up to a story. Her line of questioning had been intended to just get things started. “Tell me about it,” she said.
“About four years ago I was called down to the Department of Reproduction.” He paused, in case she didn't want him to continue. The Department of Reproduction was an offensive topic for many people. But when she did nothing but stare at him and appear interested, he continued. “They wanted me to have a baby. The government apparently tries to keep the world population at exactly ten billion. Since there are not enough volunteers for reproduction, they have to draft people. It's fairly rare, but I was one of the ones selected.”
“They actually force people to reproduce?” Andil said, aghast.
“They try to keep it to a minimum and it is very rare, but yes, it does happen.”
“So why didn't they ever go through with it with you?”
“The nearest Department of Reproduction is three-hundred miles away, so they credited me with four weeks off work and bought me a plane ticket. When I got there—“ he faltered for a moment. “Sorry. When I arrived they injected me with drugs and I fell asleep.”
“They made you go to sleep in front of other people?” Andil asked.
“The computer told me that I would not be seen by human eyes,” Sil replied. “I fell asleep and they ran some sort of examination and when I woke up, I—“ he faltered again, not wanting to complete his story, but he forced himself on: “Sorry. When I woke up I was told I wasn't eligible for reproduction. I think something's wrong with me. I can never become pregnant, Andil. Apparently nearly half the population is like me, but that doesn't make it any easier. I'm sorry if I'm complaining, Andil.”
“No, no. Please, go on.”
“So that was it. They sent me home. The whole thing didn't take more than three hours. So now I know I do not have the capacity to reproduce. However, they told me that they took something from my body that would help them with future reproductions. They didn't tell me what it was that they took, but they said I wouldn't need it, and I wouldn't miss it.”
“Is that legal?” Andil asked.
“I don't know what they took, but I was told that it was legal. I never checked up on it, though. Apparently they take it from every person who isn't capable of reproducing directly. Maybe it makes them feel like they're contributing. I guess it did for me.”
“Do you ever wonder why you cannot create offspring?” Andil asked.
“號 It never really struck me as being important.”
“You're not even a little curious. They'd tell you, you know. You're legally entitled to have information about that type of thing.”
Sil took a deep breath, feeling a little uncomfortable. He didn't know exactly why he didn't want to know, but he had always had a feeling that the explanation was something horrible, something he couldn't handle, so he'd never asked. He didn't enjoy Andil's prodding him on the subject. “I'm sorry, Andil, but I would really appreciate it if you would discontinue this line of questioning.”
“Oh. I'm sorry, Sil. I'll stop now.”
They stared into each other's eyes for several minutes, silent. “Why don't you ask me something, Sil? Anything you've been wanting to know about me.”
“What should I ask?” he said after a moment.
“It wouldn't be the same if I told you what to ask.”
He waited a long moment before answering. “I'm sorry, Andil. There's nothing that I'm especially curious about.”
“Oh. That's all right.” They continued to stare at each other.
“Andil?”
“Yes.”
“Please don't take this the wrong way, but do you mind if I look away?”
“Go ahead.”
He looked down at his shoes and closed his eyes for a moment. Maintaining eye-contact was a difficult thing in such awkward situations. He didn't like the way he'd gotten out of it, though.
“People don't really need to keep eye-contact to have a conversation,” Andil commented.
Sil looked back up at her. “I don't understand,” he said.
“Well, if you think about it, it isn't necessary. You don't need to look into someone's eyes to hear what they're saying.”
“I'm sorry, I still don't understand.” His eyes narrowed into a look of utter perplexity.
She smiled. “You're rather cute when you're confused,” she said, and immediately wished she hadn't.
But he didn't understand what she meant. He cocked his head, and couldn't help backing away from her. It was a terribly rude gesture, he knew, but Andil was beginning to frighten him. “Perhaps it is time for me to go home.”
“You're going to leave me?” she asked, a sly grin on her face.
He couldn't answer something like that. He wished that he could just give her an affirmative and leave, but her question was stated so that it implied that she would like him to stay, therefore he felt obliged to do so.
Andil grinned widely and stared deeply into his eyes and found herself overcome with some strange feeling that she could not explain. She saw how uncomfortable he was, and wanted to laugh. His pain was her humor.
I'm such a horrible person, she told herself. How can I think something like that—to actually laugh at another human being–!
A tiny giggle escaped her and Sil's mouth seemed to open fractionally in an expression of hurt. There had to be some way of alleviating the tension.
Without realizing what she was doing, Andil leaned forward, closing the distance between them. Sil flinched and pulled back fractionally, a look of terror on his face.
Seeing the situation as if from a great distance, Andil closed the gap and touched her lips to his—for no more than an instant.
Sil let out such a scream that he had never emitted in his life. Discarding the possibility of proper manners, he put his hand to her face and shoved hard. Frantically, he took a hold of the edge of the couch and pulled himself free. Tripping over the coffee table, he sprawled out on the floor. “What—what are you doing, Andil?” he shouted.
“Andil,” the computerized voice called. “Physical contact without prior agreement is a crime. You are accused of committing such a crime. It is apparent that you were the aggressor in this situation. How do you plead?”
“What–?” she started. She looked at Sil, still sprawled on the floor. He still wore the look of stupefied terror. “How do I plead?” she asked. The situation was beginning to dawn on her.
“You have been accused of a crime, Andil. Do you wish to explain yourself?”
“Well—“ she started again.
“You are required by law to answer the question. Did you commit the crime in question?”
“You saw the whole thing,” Andil said. “Yes, I did it.”
“Sil,” the voice asked, “were you injured by Andil's action?”
Sil stood up slowly and turned round, looking for the origin of the voice. He thought about the question. Everything he had ever been taught told him that touching another person without permission was about the most damaging thing someone could do. But looking at Andil now, seeing the growing fear in her eyes, he realized that she hadn't meant any harm. She had realized that this one incident would change her life forever, and Sil saw this. She hadn't caused him any permanent damage. Logically he knew this, but he had lived so many years in a society where a person couldn't do anything more horrible than what Andil had done. He had difficulty accepting the fact that she hadn't seriously hurt him.
Even so, he managed to say, “No. No I am not injured,” all the while thinking, pe's a horrible person, a horrible, horrible person. That's the only explanation. The contract idea was a mistake.
“Andil's sentence will be lessened because you are not hurt,” the voice stated. “Sil, it is recommended that you leave now. It is not that we do not enjoy your company, but it would be best if you were not here when the authorities arrive. No offense is intended.”
“Okay,” Sil said. “I'll leave now.” He stepped forward and held out a hand to Andil. “I thank you for your hospitality, Andil. It has been a pleasure.” Even in situations like this, Sil could not let himself forget his manners. He turned and walked toward the door. “Would you like me to close this on my way out?” he asked.
“Thank you,” Andil replied.
Their eyes met for the last time immediately before the door latched.
“The authorities will arrive in several minutes, Andil,” said the computer voice. “You have been convicted of a crime. This statement is not meant as an insult; it is simply a fact. This does not mean you are a bad person. It simply means—“
“Just be quiet,” Andil said. “I don't want to listen to you anymore—and I do mean that as an insult.”
______ ______ ______
“Do you feel guilty about what you did, Andil?” Billi, the medical asked. (Everyone in the medical profession were called 'medicals', since specific references such as nurse, doctor, or psychiatrist, had been abolished.) Andil and the medical sat in identical chairs in Andil's room at the correctional institute. Billi was attempting to figure out how she could bring Andil back toward conformity. The utter strangeness of Andil's opinions frightened Billi.
“I can't say I feel guilty,” Andil told the woman. “I feel bad because I know I may have hurt Sil, but I don't feel bad about what I did. This may sound stupid but I think that if Sil was hurt, it was per own choice. I honestly don't think the contact truly hurt per, though. Pe said that pe was not injured.”
The medical cocked her head curiously, maintaining eye-contact.
“That sounds pretty stupid to you, doesn't it?” Andil asked.
The woman was slow in answering, “No.”
“I know that you think I'm stupid,” Andil said. “It won't change anything if you say it out loud.”
Billi didn't answer. She looked down for a fraction of an instant. “I want to ask you something, Andil.”
“Go ahead.”
“What do you truly want out of life?”
“What do I want?” said Andil. She paused to think. “I guess I just want to be allowed to be myself.”
“Who says you're not allowed to be yourself?”
“I want to be able to show people who I am,” Andil continued, “and not worry about what they think. I want to stop worrying about offending people. There are things that I avoid saying, and I don't even know why I'm avoiding them. I feel trapped. I can't say or do anything that I really want to.”
“So you think you should be allowed to do anything you want, without any penalty?” the medical asked.
Andil paused a moment, but decided to ignore the question. “I want people to be able to tell me what they think of me. I want to hear what they have to say. I want to be able to state my own opinions, and not have people jump on me for talking offensively. I'll bet you that if I asked you to tell me what you truly think of me, you'd lie.”
“You think I'd lie to you?” Billi said, defensively.
“You would,” Andil said. “You think that if you told me what you really think of me, it would crush me. You think I don't have the capacity to handle a little criticism. Most people don't have that capacity. It's just the way everyone was raised. People these days jump to conclusions too quickly. Compliments are twisted into insults. Simple criticism is interpreted as all-out verbal abuse. Jokes are heinous crimes. Now why do you think that is? It's because we've become weak as a society. It's because we all want to point the finger at someone else. We say, 'It's your fault. You are a bad person, because you say things I don't like.'” Andil punctuated herself by pointing a finger at Billi. “'It's your job to see that I am never offended. My happiness is your responsibility.' Somebody says something you don't like, you have the choice of getting upset or saying to yourself 'It doesn't matter' and go on. If people would say, 'It doesn't matter' more often, we wouldn't have these limitations on what we can say. We have lost our ability to communicate, because we are so worried that we're being insulted. If we could just back up and try to see things through other people's eyes, we'd see that the things people say are rarely meant as insults, and even if they are, what does it matter? Is it going to kill you to know there's someone out there that doesn't like you?”
Billi was having difficulty breathing. Never in her life had she heard anyone make such a long speech, or with such force. Andil saw a tear roll down her face onto her uniform. “You think I'ma bad person, because I haven't made you happy?” Billi sobbed. “I'm sorry, Andil but I've done the best I can—“
“No, no.” Andil said. “You're missing my point—“
“I don't think I've lost my ability to communicate, and if you think I have there's no reason for you to throw it at me like that.” She covered her face with her hands. “Why do you hate me, Andil?”
“I never said anything even close to that,” Andil replied, quickly.
“So you think I'm stupid too?” Billi stopped for several moments, trying to talk between her choking sobs. “Why, Andil—Why–?” She stood and darted from the room.
In utter shock by the medical's reaction, Andil watched her go. I have to go after per, she thought. She completely misinterpreted what I said. I need to go explain myself.
Halfway out of her seat, she stopped herself. From now on there will surely be a lot of people misinterpreting what I say. If I go running after every one, I won't have any time for myself. It's not my responsibility.
______ ______ _____
She stood in front of the food station in the corner of her room, trying to decide what she wanted to eat.
“Andil,” came the computerized voice.
“Yes?”
“I have determined the cause of the incident involving Sil.”
“Excuse me?” Andil said, turning away from the food computer.
“You are free to go home, Andil, as soon as you eat a meal.”
“Why?” she demanded. “Why are you letting me go after all this?”
The voice did not reply.
“Tell me,” Andil said.
“There was a computer error that caused you to commit the crime which brought you here. It was not your fault, therefore you are free to go.”
“What the fuck do you mean by that?”
“Using offensive language in privacy is a half credit—“
“I don't care what you're fining me!” Andil shouted. “Tell me why you're letting me go.”
Again, the computer remained silent. Legally, Andil had the right to know what had happened. Any human had the right to information that pertained to them, but the answer to Andil's question was something that the general public wasn't supposed to know about. “It is suggested, Andil, that you have something to eat first. Afterward I will answer any questions you may have.”
She reached out and turned the food station off. “You tell me now.”
“The food supply of every human-being contains a small amount of a chemical that makes people more socially compatible. Among other things, it suppresses sexual urges, which was the problem in your case.”
“I'm sorry,” Andil said, “I am not familiar with that word you used.”
“It isn't necessary that you understand the definition. Very few people do. The computer error caused the food dispenser in your apartment to give you an insufficient supply of this chemical. That was the problem. There was nothing wrong with you. You can feel safe now, because the problem has been solved.”
“So what you're saying is that you drug us all,” Andil said. “You influence our thoughts. It has always been said that people are free to think whatever they want, but now you show me that that is a lie. Well, from now on, I want you to stop putting these chemicals in my meals.”
“That is not going to happen, Andil,” the voice said. “In order for a society to function, everyone must be alike. Many natural human feelings have been determined to be offensive, therefore they must be eliminated in order for society to function.”
“Everyone must be alike,” Andil repeated. “There are differences between males and females, aren't there?”
“Andil,” the computer said, “use of those words is very often considered offensive.”
“But they're real words, with definitions,” Andil replied.
“They are not real words and there are no definitions. Suggesting that differences exist between people is not proper, and if you continue, you will be fined. There is only one type of human, Andil.”
“If I was still on your drugs,” Andil said, “maybe I'd believe you.”
She went to the door, found it unlocked and looked out into the hall. She heard voices, and saw people in the front office at the end of the hall. They hate me, she thought, and smiled. They think I'm stupid. They think I don't belong in their society. They think I'm insane.
She laughed. I just might be all of those things.
Looking back at the food terminal, she realized that all of this would end. One way or another, she would have to go back on their drugs, or else she would starve. But anything I do right now, isn't my fault—at least in their opinion.
She took a step back into her room and began pulling off her clothing.
I don't care what they think of me, she told herself. I don't care. It doesn't matter what they think. She told herself over and over again as she undressed.
When she had reached the point, she looked down at her undergarments. Off with them too, she thought. She dropped them on the floor.
Stepping, naked, into the hall, she thought to herself, I don't care what they think. I need this. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't.
She walked slowly down the hall, but quickly began to run. People turned to look at her, and were shocked by what they saw. Some believed they were hallucinating. Many could not speak for hours afterward. But none were permanently damaged, and some even laughed about it later.
As she ran through the office, Andil let out the cry of joy that she'd been holding back for so many years.
