قراءة العقل ألعاب -- قصة قصيرة

العقل الألعاب القراءة

بواسطة كالين Ringkvist

سر الحقيقية الأولى أنا تعاملت مع واجه لي قبل عشرين سنة تقريبا ، وأستطيع أن أتذكر ما زال كما لو كانت عليه بالأمس ، وكما جاء الصدمة لا بأس به ، وأنا اقول لكم ان ذلك بكثير. العثور على الخروج كنت قد حصلت على مثل هذا قوة غريبة يمكن رهيبة مثيرة ومخيفة ، في أي سن ، ولكن لفتاة تبلغ من العمر خمس سنوات يمكن أن يكون الساحقة تماما.

كنت نائما على نحو سليم ليلة واحدة ، وحاضنة للأطفال وكان في الطابق السفلي ، ومشاهدة ديفيد ليترمان ، فهي قد تصل حجم بصوت عال جدا ، لذلك كان لي قليلا من صعوبة الحصول على النوم. فما استقاموا لكم فاستقيموا كان ينام ، على الأرجح ، نحو ثلاث ساعات ، عندما كان لدي حلم ، والحلم لم يكن يتوقع احد من يبلغ من العمر خمس سنوات ، وهو حلم لم يكن أحد يتوقع من أي شخص. في الواقع ، لم يكن بالضبط حلم أشبه الرؤية ، كنت ببساطة العائمة حول مكان الحادث ، ومشاهدة. كما طرحت ، صورة واحدة ، والمجمدة في الوقت المناسب ، ولمع من خلال ذهني مرارا ، وهي لن تغادر ، حتى مع حاولت التركيز على الجوانب الأخرى من المشهد.

رأيت ستيشن الأسرة من الداخل ، لكنه لم يكن مع السيارة التي كنت مألوفة. وكانت هناك شظايا الزجاج التي تغطي كل شيء ، وأمام لوحة القيادة على ما يبدو بطريقة ملتوية ، ونيف البشعة. الجانب الأيمن كامل السيارة كانت تميل الى الداخل. وكانت هناك لقطع معدنية حادة البروز في زوايا مختلفة ، وجميع بدت مثل هذه الفوضى المروعة بالمقارنة مع سيارة مريحة لطيفة التي كانت كنت.

وقد تم سحق الشيء الوحيد الذي عالقة في ذهني أكثر من أي شيء آخر هو رؤية وجه أمي يحدق في وجهي مع عيون فارغة تماما ، ومؤخرة رأسها بين لوحة القيادة والأبواب الجانبية للركاب ، ولكن وجهها لم يكن لديهم لا شيء على ذلك. كانت هناك دماء في كل مكان ، إذ أنه يمنح شظايا الزجاج يلمع أحمر ، كما لو كانت المجوهرات قليلا ، كل شيء على الجانب الأيمن للسيارة على ما يبدو يكمن في غطاء من الزجاج والدم.

أنا طرحت صعودا ، بعيدا من المذبحة ، ورأيت سيارة من مسافة بعيدة. سحقت لا تزال كبيرة وشاحنة صغيرة بيضاء ضدها. كانت هناك سيارات شرطة بطانة جانبي حطام. رجال شرطة ويبدو أن يحتشدون في كل مكان. ممر واحد من وقد سدت الطريق السريع باتجاه آخر.

ولمع وصورة وجه أمي مرة أخرى خلال ذهني.

رأيت والدي ، والوقوف بصمت خارج ستيشن ، يحدق من خلال نافذة في الجانب السائقين. شرطي جاء له ، ووضع يديه على كتفيه ، وحاول أن يلتفت له حول وجذبه من مكان الحادث ولكن والدي أضرت به بعيدا . استمر هو وأخيرا تمكنت من اقناع والدي على مغادرة والحصول في واحدة من سيارات الشرطة.

ركب في صمت. وجهة نظري قد تغيرت الآن إلى داخل سيارة الشرطة ، ووالدي سبت ، نصف فمه مفتوح ، وهم في حالة ذهول نظرة على وجهه.

حاولت ، في نومي ، لتغيير وجهة نظري كي أتمكن من إلقاء نظرة على السطح الخارجي للسيارة ستيشن مرة أخرى ، وليس لديها رؤية والدي. حاول كما قلت ، ربما لم أتمكن من السيطرة حلمي.

صورة أمي في سيارة الأسرة ، وملابسها منقوع في الدم بلدها ، وتومض فجأة أمامي مرة أخرى.

والدي الذي كان يجلس في مقعد الراكب الأمامي لسيارة الشرطة ، وأغلق عينيه للحظة وارتجف. شاهدت الازيز مشهد غامض من قبل في الخلفية من وجهة نظري.

واستيقظت.

لم أكن أجلس في السرير وكأنه شخص عادي وعند الاستيقاظ من كابوس من هذا القبيل ، ولم أصيح مثل تتوقعون من العمر خمس سنوات ، وأنا بكل بساطة فتحت عيني ، والسماح للإغاثة التي حصلت عليها من تحقيق كل ذلك كان حلم لي من خلال الفيضانات.

لكن شيئا من هذا الحلم تريث. كانت هذه واحدة ليس مثل أحلام أخرى بطريقة أو بأخرى. شيئا حيال ذلك كان حقيقيا جدا. كان هناك شيء لم أستطع التخلص من.

لقد وقفت على سريري ، والوقوف صفا وطويل القامة وأنا ، قد تمكنت من الزملاء خارج النافذة. اعتقدت انه اذا رأيت ستيشن الأسرة يجلس في انها بقعة في الممر ، تماما مثل العادية ، فإنه سيثبت ، من دون شك ، أن ما كنت قد شهدت للتو ، لم يكن سوى حلم ، وعربة سيكون هناك حق والدتي سيكون جيدا.

ولكن السيارة لم يكن هناك ، بل في انها المكان الذي كان يجلس بجوار الطفل ، حاضنة لضرب قابلة للتحويل ، وسيارة شرطة زرقاء وبيضاء ووقفت على حافة سريري ويحدق في السيارة لفترة طويلة في حين .

كنت طفلا فقط لكنني كنت اعرف طبيعة الأحلام. ما لا يقل عن ظننت أنني لم ، وكان دائما يعتقد أن الأحلام ليست سوى انعكاس للماضي ، وليس التنبؤ للمستقبل. أنت لا يمكن أن تتعلم أشياء جديدة ، ما لم يكن من الأحلام بالفعل تم تأمين المعرفة بعيدا داخل نفسك ، وكنت منذ البداية ، الآن ، على السؤال علمي.

كل شيء كان والدي كان في الطابق السفلي الآن. لم أكن أعرف كيف جدا وكنت اعرف ذلك. أعتقد أنه كان يمكن أن يسمع صوته ولكن عندما توقفت عن التركيز على الكلمات والصمت ، وأنا لا يمكن أن يسمع حتى التلفزيون بعد الآن ، وكان كما لو كنت تماما وحدها في المنزل ، ولكن كنت أعرف أن هناك آخرين هنا. اربعة اشخاص : الطفل ، حاضنة ، والدي ، واثنين من ضباط الشرطة. بطريقة ما كنت أعرف هذا.

فكرت في الذهاب في الطابق السفلي لكني خشيت أنه إذا فعلت ذلك ، وأود معرفة اي شيء لم أكن أريد أن أعرف ، وأنا وقفت على حافة سريري ، والانتظار.

ولمع وصورة أمي مرة أخرى كما لو أنني لم استيقظ بعد تماما من حلمي ، والمفاجأة لأنه يصرف لي ، وأنا فقدت توازني وذهب هبط إلى الأرض وتهبط من الصعب على كتفي ولكن لا تصرخ.

كان من المستحيل بالنسبة لي أن أصف لك بدقة ما نرى أن رؤية الماضي كان مثل. انه لم يكن مجرد بشاعة يطارد من الصورة نفسها ، من حيث الصورة ويبدو أن يأتي ، وأنا لا أعرف كيف آخر لوصفه إلا أن أقول إنه لا يبدو أن يأتي من العقل بلدي ، وجاء من الخارج في مكان ما في نفسي ، وكأنه هو صورة الفعلية معلقة على الجدار ، كل ذلك جعل الرؤية تبدو أكثر حقيقية.

تقع في الطابق الأول ، فاجأ ، مؤثر ، وأنا أفكر في احتمال أن كنت ذاهبا مجنون ، وهذا الفكر أخافني أكثر من أي شيء.

كان والدي يأتي من صعود الدرج الآن. أنا لا يمكن أن تسمع خطاه على الخطوات بالسجاد ، وإن كنت أعرف أنه كان القادمة. كما انه وجه أقرب شعرت بألم في معدتي النامية ، لسبب ما لم أستطع أن أقول جميع كنت أعرف أن والدي كان يشعر بالألم نفسه الذي فعلته.

بعد لحظات قليلة أنه فتح الباب وصعدت فيها لحظة بعد رآني ، ذهني ، بشكل غير متوقع ، توجه واضح ، وكنت في العودة إلى طبيعتها ، وألم في معدتي بدأت تهدأ وأنا لم يعد لديها رؤى أنا لا تستطيع ' ر السيطرة ، ولهذا وكنت في غاية الامتنان.

"بابا؟" قلت.

"ماذا تفعل حتى لا تزال؟"

"كان لدي حلم سيء ، هل يمكنك تحويل الضوء على؟"

"هل كان كابوسا؟" قال التقليب ضوء التحول. "لم أكن معروفة لك أن يكون كابوسا ل. كنت لم استيقظوا بسبب واحد."

"كان هذا سيئا حقا" ، أجبته.

"آه" ، وقال بهدوء بينما كان يسير باتجاهي. "انت لا تبدو مستاء للغاية".

"لا أريد أن أعود إلى النوم."

"أنت لا؟" انه اختار لي بلطف عن الأرض ووضعوني في السرير مرة أخرى. "لماذا لا أستطيع الجلوس ويمكنك ان تقول لي كل شيء عن ذلك".

حدقت النظر في وجهه لفترة طويلة. "لا اعتقد ان أريد."

"لماذا لا؟ ربما يمكنني المساعدة".

هززت رأسي وسحب يغطي محكما حول كتفي ، وقال "لا اعتقد انك تستطيع."

"أنت تعرف ، عسل ،" قال : "أحلام ليست حقيقية ، وهي لا يمكن أن يضرك ، ولا يستطيع أي وقت مضى يحدث حقا. انهم مجرد خيالك اللعب الحيل على لك ، وكان قليلا من المرح."

واضاف "اعرف كل ذلك ، الأب ، أنا أعرف كل شيء عن الأحلام. وأنا أعلم أنها ليست حقيقية" ، وإن كانت في هذه النقطة أنا لم يعد متأكدا من ذلك لتقصي "ليس هذا ما انا قلق."

"ما هو إذن؟"

"لا أريد أن أعود عندما أذهب إلى النوم".

ابتسم وذهب ذهني فجأة غائما مرة أخرى مثل ذلك من قبل ، مباشرة بعد الاستيقاظ من الحلم. سيل من العاطفة وجاء من والدي. وعند هذه النقطة لم اكن قادرا على تفسير ذلك إلى أي شيء استطيع ان افهم. شعرت ببساطة وكأنه موجة من الطاقة. القوة الغاشمة ، ولكني لم أفهم أن الأمر استغرق منه قدرا كبيرا من الجهد لإنتاج تلك الابتسامة.

ثم زيادة العضوية ورأيي كان واضحا مرة أخرى.

"حلم لن يعود" ، قال.

"كيف عرفت؟" سألت.

"لأن الأحلام لا أعود بعد لقد استيقظ لكم. عندما يكون لديك مثل حلم جيد وتستيقظ ثم حاول العودة للنوم سريع فعلا حتى تتمكن من العودة إلى حلمك ، ويعمل أبدا".

"لماذا لا؟"

"أنا لا أعرف. انها فقط لا والناس لا تملك السيطرة على عقول كثير جدا خاصة بهم واعتقد".

واضاف "لكن اذا كنت لا تملك السيطرة على عقلي ، فكيف آمل أن تجعل الحلم الابتعاد؟"

هز رأسه. "ماذا كنت تنوي القيام به بعد ذلك؟ البقاء إلى الأبد في اليقظة خوفا من حلم واحد؟ أشك في أنك يمكن أن تفعل ذلك حتى حتى صباح اليوم ، وسوف يكون الوقت قد حان بالنسبة لك الحصول على ما يصل والذهاب إلى ما قبل المدرسة وأنت تريد فقط للنوم ".

وقال "ربما" ، قلت ، كنت لا أرى منطق له.

"ما هو ، على أية حال؟ انها مجرد حلم ، وأنا لم اقل ابدا من المعروف أن تخاف من الأحلام ، ما هو مختلف عن هذا واحد؟"

حدقت النظر في وجهه ، وقال شيئا ، ولم يكن هناك طريقة استطيع ان اقول له ما حدث. أردت ، ولكن كيف يمكن لي أن أشرح له أن شيئا لم أتمكن من شرح حتى لنفسي؟

"هل تعتقد أنك على استعداد للعودة إلى النوم الآن؟"

واضاف "اعتقد ذلك" ، قلت.

"كل الحق في ذلك الحين. سأراك صباح الغد." وانتقل نحو الباب. "لا يوجد لديك ما يدعو للقلق. سأكون في الطابق السفلي الحق إذا كان لديك أي أكثر الأحلام" ، ويلقي نظرة الى الوراء وابتسم في وجهي هذه المرة شعرت شيئا القادمة منه وذهب إلى إطفاء الأنوار.

"انتظر ،" قلت. "الأب ، يرجى الانتظار".

"ما هو؟"

أنا توقفت لحظة قبل الإجابة ، "قل لي ما حدث الليلة."

وجاء تصاعد السلطة من جديد ، على الرغم من هذا الوقت ، فقط للحظة ، وصورة أمي في السيارة تومض مرة أخرى.

وهو يحدق في وجهي لفترة طويلة. "ماذا تريد أن تعرف؟"

"كل شيء" ، قلت. "فقط أخبرني عن ما حدث".

"كيف يمكنك أن تعرف ما حدث أي شيء؟"

أنا هون ، لا يريد أن أقول له شيئا من واقع تجربتي في وقت سابق من تلك الليلة.

وأغلق عينيه. وكنت أسمع عنه في التنفس بشدة. "لقد كنت ودائما أذكى من أي شخص يدرك ،" قال.

وأغلق الباب وبدأ يسير نحو لي. "حسنا ، أنت تريد أن تعرف ما حدث هذه الليلة ، سوف اقول لكم" ، وكان يجلس على حافة سريري وقال لي القصة.

أنا لا أعتقد أنني في حاجة لأقول لكم كيف ذهب ، ويمكنك أن الرقم ربما خارج بنفسك ، وليس لديها أي صلة حقيقية على أي حال ، وأنا لا أحب التحدث عن ذلك ، وسوف يكون كافيا ليقول أن كل شيء في رؤيتي في وقت سابق كان حقيقيا ، وكان سحبها مباشرة من آبائي العقل بينما كنت نائما.

وتحدث لي لأكثر من ساعة ، وشدد على فكرة أن والدتي لم يكن يعود ، كما لو انه يعتقد انني لم يفهم أن الموت لم يكن شيء مؤقت ، أو ربما كان يعتقد أنه منذ كنت اسن ' ر أن تبكي أنا حقا لا يفهم ما كان يحاول أن يقول لي ، ولكن لم يفهم أنا. فهمت كل ما قاله لي. جزء كبير من الجدار وكنت اعرف قبل حتى قال أي شيء ، وأنا أعرف التفاصيل ، وكذلك فعل.

انها فقط لا أثر لي.

ربما سيكون لديها إذا كنت لم يكن لديه هذا الحلم ، وإذا لم أكن قد اكتشفت وسعي غير عادية في تلك الليلة ، وربما وفاة والدتي وكان لها بعض التأثير على لي ، وربما كان ذهبت من خلال سلسلة من نفس المشاعر التي العادي الأطفال من خلال الذهاب عندما خبرة وفاة أحد الوالدين.

ولكن لم أكن ، وربما هذا امر جيد ، لأنني لم يكن لديك للتعامل مع مشاعر الخسارة ، وأنا لم يكونوا مضطرين الى الذهاب من خلال ذلك.

ما فعلته والتعامل معها ، مع ذلك ، كان بلدي جديد القدرة موجودة ، وكان الشيء الأكثر المحير والمخيف كان لي في أي وقت مضى. وكنت اعرف ان حياتي لن تكون هي نفسها. ومنذ ذلك الحين إلى الأمام كنت شيء مختلف ، شخص الى جانب مجموعة من باقي البشر. أنا لن تكون قادرة على النظر في نفسي العادي بأي شكل من الأشكال.

هذا هو قدر لا بأس به لشخص الشباب حتى يكون التعامل معها.

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اسمي كارول Schlicting وعلى مدى السنوات العشرين الماضية من حياتي ، لقد كان معظمهم من قدرة فريدة على قراءة العقول ، وهذا هو حكايتي.

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استغرق مني وقتا قليلا من المستغرب لاتقان المهارات بلدي ، وبعد أسابيع فقط بضع تعلمت لتفسير كل الإشارات السطحية التي تأتي من العقل لشخص ما ، وأنا يمكن أن نقول بالضبط ما كان الشخص الشعور ، ما المشاعر التي قد يكونون مختبئين. أستطع اقول دائما شخص ما كان يفكر في أية لحظة.

بعد شهر أو نحو ذلك ، تعلمت كيف لحفر أعمق. أتمكن من تحقيق ذكريات الشخص ، والأشياء التي لم يفكر في الأعمار أو ربما ، حتى ، قد نسيت. في البداية كنت فقط قادرا على الحصول على بت من المعلومات ، بطريقة عشوائية على ما يبدو. وأشياء القفز في وجهي بين الأشياء التي ليست ذات صلة ، كما أود أن أدخل عقل شخص ما. أتمكن من مراقبة مدى عمق ذهبت إلى وعيه لشخص ما لكني لم استطع السيطرة على ما وجدته عندما وصلت الى اعمق المناطق.

حتى هذا قد تغير ، وإن كان. وفي الوقت الذي لها سيطرة كاملة. أخرى عقول الناس وملاعب بلادي. أتمكن من القفز في ، بعثر حولها ، وبذل كل ما من دواعي سروري ، وترك واحدا لم يعلن أي فكرة ما كنت حتى ، لأنني أبدا وقال شخص من طاقتي. وهلة الأولى ، بدا كما لو كنت التطفل على الناس ، وغزو خصوصياتهم دون أن يعرفوا ذلك ، ولكن هذا الشعور سرعان ما هدأت ، وأنا أحسب أنني لو لم يكن في أي من المعلومات وجدت ضد هؤلاء الناس ، وأنا لا تفعل أي ضرر. استكشاف كنت ببساطة.

لقد نشأت بسرعة كبيرة. وفي اعتقادي أن عقل الشخص لا يتغير بسبب مرور الزمن ، بدلا من ذلك ، بسبب التجارب ، والناس ، كما يتقدمون في السن ، تصبح تدريجيا اكثر نضجا لأنها تعاني من الحياة والتعلم منها . تعلمت كل شيء أنا في حاجة إلى معرفة عن الحياة في أثناء عدة أسابيع وعلى مدى السنين ولقد وبالتفتيش عن طريق العقول بما فيه الكفاية للعثور على الخبرات التي من شأنها أن تناسب في الآلاف من عمر ، وأعرف ما الذي تريد أن تفعل أي شيء تقريبا يمكنك أن تتخيل. لقد عشت من التشويق والقفز بالمظلات وأداء عملية جراحية في الدماغ المعقدة. يمكنني أن أعطيكم تفاصيل عن ما يشبه عقد بندقية ، الضغط على الزناد واطلاق النار على رجل باستمرار. وأنا أعلم ما يشبه أن يكون ثانية بعيدا عن الموت و وقد سلمت حياتك فجأة ظهر لك. وهذه كلها خبرات لا يصدق أنني أستطيع أن أعطيك كل التفاصيل ، ولكن لا احد منهم أنا شخصيا ذهبت في الواقع من خلال ، في الواقع ، لقد عاش حياة وليس في حالة ركود. أخرى وقد وفرت لي كان لي تجارب بالنسبة لي. حياتي كلها أنفقت التجوال حول ذكريات الآخرين. لم يحدث شيء منذ أي وقت مضى في حياتي الخاصة ، إلى الاعتماد على حياة الآخرين.

ما اعتقد ان معظم غير telepaths لا نقدر كثيرا كما ينبغي ، هو سر الحياة ، والعفوية. البشر هم أكثر الأشياء لا يمكن التنبؤ بها في هذا العالم ، لمعظم الناس. بالنسبة لي ، مع ذلك ، أستطيع أن أقول دائما بالضبط ما شخص ما سوف تفعل في أي لحظة ، وقد اعتقد انهم يجري العفوية ، التي هي ملزمة لمفاجأة لي بشيء لكنها لم تفعل. بدلا من ذلك ، يبدو أن كل شيء ممل جدا بالنسبة لي لأنني أعرف دائما ما سيحدث. انه مثل مشاهدة فيلم سيء حقا ، حيث الأحرف واحد حتى التفكير الأبعاد ورسم بسيط جدا أن تعرف دائما كيف بالضبط سوف تتحول الامور يمكن الحصول على مملة بعض الشيء.

وأود أن لا يكون لك الشعور بالأسف بالنسبة لي على الرغم من وأنا لن تتخلى ابدا عن طاقتي ، وليس لأي شيء. انها فعلت الكثير بالنسبة لي.

ويمكن في بعض الأحيان تكون الحياة مثل مشاهدة فيلم جيد حقا للمرة الثانية ، وأجزاء لا تزال مضحك مضحك ، أجزاء مثيرة لا تزال مثيرة ، ليس فقط الكثير لأنها كانت المرة الأولى التي شاهدت عنها ، والفرق الوحيد هو ، في بلدي الحياة ، وأنا لم يحصل على مشاهدته لأول مرة.

ما كنت أريد دائما كان شخص ما أستطيع التحدث عن الذي كنت والتواصل معها على المستوى العميق ، وأنا لم يتم العثور على أي شخص أستطع الاتصال مع الواقع ، وحتى مع والدي وكنت أجبر على الاختباء بعد ونفسي من اجل الحفاظ على قوتي سرا. ورغم أنني لم تحبه ، لم أشعر أبدا قريبين منه ، وكنت اشعر بالوحدة في كل وقت. وفي عالم المليارات من الناس ، وكنت وحدها.

فعلت شيء واحد على الرغم من الغموض ، ليبقي لي المحتلة من خلال سنواتي الأولى : أين أنا من؟ لماذا أنا مثل هذا؟ يجب أن يكون هناك سبب لسلطاتي ، بعض الغرض بالنسبة لي على الوفاء ، وهذا اللغز هو ما أخذت على عاتقي أن تحل ، وأنا لم أتمكن من يعتقد حلها ، لكنني أحب في محاولة لكنت طفلا الذين عاشوا لأسرار. أعتقد أنني كان مثل والدي في هذا الصدد. كان يحب الغموض أيضا ، وفي الحقيقة ، وقال انه قدم له يعيش أسرار الكتابة.

وكان صاحب قصص الغموض دائما جوابا في نهاية المطاف. وكان هناك دائما الاستنتاج. لكن الأمر ليس كذلك بالنسبة لي ، وأنا أبدا حل لغز بلدي ، وأنا لم تكن قادرة على شرح أصول قوتي. ومزعجة دائما السؤال في وجهي من الخلفي من ذهني. ويمكن الحصول على محبطة بل في بعض الأحيان.

كان لي ثلاث نظريات كبرى. واحد ، هو أن الأول كان رسولا من عند الله. اعتقدت انه قد أرسل لي بعض لإكمال المهمة ، ويجب وكانت هناك بعض السعي بالنسبة لي على الوفاء ، واحد لا يمكن أن يتحقق من قبل شخص مع نوع بي للسلطة ، ولكن بعد مرور عشر سنوات ، وهذا المسعى لم تقدم نفسها لذلك أنا بدأت للشك في أن الأول كان أي نوع من أعلى الغرض في هذا العالم ، وفي الحقيقة ، انا اشك في وجود أي نوع من الله ، وليس عندي الحقيقي السبب في ذلك شك ، وغيرها من اعتقادي أنه إذا كان هناك إله ، وقال انه سيكون الى حد بعيد عقل قوية ، وأود أن يكون قادرا على الشعور بأن العقل.

نظريتي الثانية على وشك كما قبالة الجدار الأول ، وربما كنت نوعا من التجربة الحكومية ، ومحاولة لتحسين الجنس البشري ، أو ، ربما ، كنت شيء يمكن استخدامه كسلاح. أنا لا يعتقد حقا هذا ، وإن كان. وجاءت النظرية الى حيز الوجود ، ومعظمهم بسبب وسائل الاعلام والكتب والأفلام ، والمعتقد في المجتمع عامة إلى أن الحكومة تسعى دائما لإخفاء شيء ما.

النظرية الثالثة ، وأنا واحد يعتقد معظم ، حتى يومنا هذا ، هو أنني مجرد نزوة من الطبيعة. وهذه هي نظرية النشوء والارتقاء ، أن كل عدة أجيال ، وتحور ذرية ، والتي قد تعطي الأنواع فرصة أفضل لل البقاء على قيد الحياة ، وإذا لم يكن كذلك ، فإنه يموت ببساطة الخروج. ما زلت لا أعرف ما إذا أو لا أنا أفضل من بقية البشر ، وإذا كان الجميع مثلي و، فإن العالم سيكون مكانا أفضل؟ ربما ، وربما لا. الشعبية يبدو جدا المعنية مع الخصوصية. وأعتقد أنه سيكون حملهم مجنون أن نعرف أن الجميع من حولهم يعرف بالضبط ما كانوا التفكير ، وربما من شأنها أن تدفع لهم جنون ، لمجرد أن نعرف أن شخصا واحدا وكان هناك من يمكن أن أقول ما كانوا التفكير ، وهذا هو لماذا لم يقولوا اي "طبيعية" شخص من قدرتي ، وكنت خائفة من ان لا تحب لي ، وأنا ما زلت أفترض أن الخوف ، وأنا لا أعتقد أنني سوف تكون قادرة على الإطلاق لإظهار هذه سيرة ذاتية لأحد ، لأن من هذا الخوف.

كثيرا ما كنت أتساءل إذا كانت والدتي بعض أثر للقدرة مثل بلدي ، كنت أعتقد ، وربما كان هناك شيء في الجينات ، ووالدي لا يبدو أن لديها أي نوع من القدرة ، على الرغم من أنه كان يمكن أن يكون خفية ، بطريقة ما ، من وعيه بنفسه ويحقق من وجهة نظري الاعتبار. ويبدو لي ان هناك شيئا ما كان ينبغي أن يكون هناك ، ولكن لم أتمكن من العثور على أي شيء ولا شيء في ذكريات والدي والدتي إلى أن لديه أي نوع من السلطة.

ولم يمر وقت طويل حتى أدركت أنني ربما لن العثور على أي ادلة على سبب وجودي في الاعتبار والدي ، وأنا أبحث عن غيرها من الأماكن ، على أمل أن هناك شخص آخر الى هناك مثلي ، أو على أمل ، على الأقل ، أن هناك شخص ما الى هناك التي يمكن أن تعطيني جوابا ، ولكن لم يكن هناك قط ، كنت وحيدا ، ولم يكن هناك أي شيء واحد الذي كان مثلي ولا أحد كان يعرف عني.

بعد بضع سنوات ، الذي تخليت بحثي ، وذهب مع على حياتي ، وتحاول التظاهر بأنني طبيعي ، ولكن أنا دائما يتوق للعودة من الغموض بلدي. بعض فكرة جديدة. أي شيء لاحتلال رأيي مرة أخرى ، ولكن بلادي وكان اللغز ذهبت ، ويفوق قدراتي حل ، وكنت قد لاجبار نفسي على التفكير في أمور أخرى.

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يجب أن تعتقد أن وجود قوة مثل هذا يمكن أن يكون شيئا ولكن مفيدة. صحيح ، فإن لديها انها المزايا ، ويجعل الاتصال أسهل منذ يمكنني أن أفهم معنى وراء الكلمات لشخص ما والحصول على بالضبط ما نحاول أن نقول ، وأيضا لمعرفة أسهل عندما يكون الشخص لا يفهم ما أحاول أن أقول ، وحيث كنت مرتبكة أنها ، وهذا ربما الفائدة الرئيسية من قدرتي.

ولكنها ليست كلها إيجابية ، وقد تسبب لي بعض المشاكل في الماضي. أحد هؤلاء هو الشعور بالوحدة ، والانفصال عن بقية المجتمع ، وليس من السهل أن تبقي شيئا مثل هذا من أسرار ويتطلب مني ان ينأي بنفسه عن الناس.

وكان هناك مرة واحدة عندما كنت بالكاد من العمر سبع سنوات ، وجلبت لي والدي في نزهة على طول الطعام المتوفر في منزل أحد الأصدقاء ، وأنا لا يحدث لنتذكر ما كان للحزب. يجب ان يكون قد يحصلون أحيانا لقاءات من هذا القبيل ، فقط لأنها من الجحيم. لم أكن أعرف من هم الناس ، والدي لم يكن يعلم بها بشكل جيد جدا سواء

والدي في الواقع لا يريد أن يذهب بنفسه. نفضل ان البقاء في المنزل وكتابة في رواية أنه كان يعمل على ومنذ وفاة والدتي كان قد تخلفت في كتاباته وبدأت تقلق على دخله ، ونحن وكان بيت كبير جدا في جزء من المدينة الغنية ومنذ وفاة والدتي ، وبعد أقل من نصف الدخل من قبل ، وبدأ ينمو المعنية لن نكون قادرين على الاحتفاظ بها ، والسبب الرئيسي هو قرر أن يذهب هو أن كان يريد مني الخروج ورؤية الناس جديد ، وإن كان غير مهتم في هذا المجال. لم يكن لي أي شخص لديهم صعوبة اللقاء ، وأنا فقط لا يتمتع بذلك.

وكان الحزب مزدحما للغاية وكان الجميع امضوا وقتا طيبا. حشود من الناس ، والكلام والضحك ، تجول في أرجاء المنزل الضخم وساحة ، وكان في كثير من الأحيان صعوبة في البقاء خارج طريقهم ، وكنت صغيرة وانها لا ترى لي دائما .

كان هناك أطفال آخرين ممن هم في سني ، هناك حوالي نصف دزينة منهم والدي واقترح على الفور أن أذهب إلى إيقاف اللعب معهم ، وهو ما زال لم يكن لها وقتا طيبا ، ولكنه يأمل أن يتمكن من العثور على امرأة جذابة و الاضراب حتى محادثة معها ، وانه لم يتم القيام بأي يرجع تاريخها في عام ونصف العام منذ وفاة والدتي ، وكان يتطلع إلى بداية ، وهذا هو المكان المثالي وأود أن يكون عادلا في طريقه.

ذهبت باتجاه آخر والعثور على بقية الأطفال ، واللعب في حد ذاتها في مربع الرمل كبيرة في الجزء الخلفي من المنزل. جلست على العشب وشاهد عليها لعدة دقائق لأنها استمرت في بناء الإبداعات قليلا في الرمال الرطبة ، عدم اتخاذ أي إشعار لي. أحيانا شخص سيلقون قليلا من الرمال في الهواء أو على شخص ما ، كل ما في ومسل. واحد في نهاية المطاف من الصبية الصغار لاحظت بي وسألني إذا كنت ترغب في الانضمام إليها.

فكرت في هذا لحظة لكن احتمال الجلوس وحفر حولها في التراب عن أي غرض حقيقي لم الاستئناف لي بالضبط ومن ناحية أخرى ، إلا أنها كانت كريمة بما فيه الكفاية ليطلب مني الانضمام ، وكان لي أي شيء أفضل من أن يفعل .

أعتقد أنه كان على وشك الحصول على ما يصل وينضم اليهم عندما رأيت ذلك في عدة ثوان كنت قد اتخذت للرد ، انهم فقدوا الاهتمام بي وكانت وصلت الى مسابقة كبيرة الرمال من رماة الحجارة ، وهذا مجرد كذلك ، وجلست راقب وبينهم. لم أكن أرغب حقا في الحصول على أي حال هناك.

واندلع القتال عندما تصل الاوساخ واحدة من الفتيات هربت ، والبكاء ، وأجزاء من الرمل وقعوا في عينها ، والباقي منهم قرر الآن لتعزيز جهود بناء وتشييد واحد خلق عملاقة في وسط مربع الرمل واحتجوا على مدى ما سيكون لكنه قرر في النهاية على نوع من القلعة ، أو بالأحرى ، التلة من الرمل مع مجموعة من الأنفاق محفورة في جانب منه. واقترح أحد الصبي لأنها تؤدي الى الاعتقاد ان هناك بعض وحش يعيش في أعماق هذا تل. قبالة أعلى من رأسه حتى انه جاء مع وصفا المادية لهذا الوحش ومعلومات خلفية عن ذلك. لقد كنت دائما مندهش من قبل الناس الذين يمكن أن نفعل ذلك في حقيقة أن معظم الناس يمكن إلى حد ما ، على الرغم من أنني لم تكن أبدا قادرة على أني لا يبدو من أي وقت مضى للتوصل إلى قصص أو حرفا من على قمة رأسي مثل ذلك ، كل شيء جئت من أي وقت مضى مع ، تأتي دائما في عقل شخص آخر. افترض أن قصفت أنا مع الكثير من الأفكار في كل مرة لحياة المرء كلها ، هل تعلم لتعتمد عليها والخاصة بك الخيال تزول من الوجود.

وقضوا وقتا طويلا بناء هذا خلق لهم ، وأنا سرعان ما يشعر بالملل مع مراعاة لهم ، وبدأت أتساءل عن والدي. التفت انتباهي بعيدا عن الاطفال وبدأت مسح عقول بقية رواد الحزب ، والبحث عن بلدي الأب. اردت ان اعرف اذا كان قد وجد نفسه امرأة لاجراء محادثات مع ولكن لم أتمكن من العثور عليه. وكانت هناك الكثير من الناس هنا ، وعقول كثيرة جدا ، وأنا لا يمكن أن يفرز له.

والتفت انتباهي مرة أخرى إلى لعب الأطفال. أبقت تلك القلعة تنهار وبدأوا الحصول بالاحباط. استمروا تبسيط مخططاتهم من أجل جعلها أكثر سهولة لبناء ، وبدأوا في النمو بالملل وفكرة القلعة التي لم تتحول إلى تكون مثيرة بقدر ما كان يأمل. أحدهم تحول اهتمامه نحو لي. "ماذا تفعل؟" مضيفا "لماذا أنت يحدق من هذا القبيل؟" وأنهم جميعا في نظر لي وأريد أن أعرف لماذا وجدت لها مثيرة للاهتمام للنظر في ذلك ، وأنا لم يعط لهم أي جواب ، لأنه في الحقيقة ، لم أكن أعرف لماذا وجدت المباراة قليلا جدا للاهتمام لمشاهدة

بعد بضع ثوان أسئلتهم تحولت الى شتائم ودعوا لي أسماء ، وقال كنت غبية وقبيحة ، وآخرون ، إلى آخر ذلك ، أيا كان الاطفال يقولون عادة عندما غرضها الوحيد هو أن تكون قاسية ، وكانوا بالملل وانهم بحاجة لشخص لاختيار يوم. لم أكن مثيرة جدا للاهتمام عندما كنت مجرد الجلوس هناك.

الشتائم حصلت قريبا لدرجة أنني لا يمكن أن يتحمل أن يستمع لهم بعد الآن. استيقظت من دون أن يقول كلمة وانفجرت من نفسي ، وذهبت إلى الظل شجرة كبيرة جدا وعلى مسافة من المنزل و من الحشود من الناس ، وجلس وأساسا شعرت بالاسف لنفسي لفترة طويلة ، وكنت اشعر حتى بضع دموع في تشكيل عيني.

وبمرور الوقت وأنا لاحظت وجود القط منزل يتجولون في الادغال ليست بعيدة من حيث أنا سبت وقليلا من صعوبة ، ودخلت عليه في الاعتبار. الحيوانات عادة ما تكون أكثر صعوبة لقراءة من البشر لأن عقولهم مختلفة عما هي عليه ، وأستطيع أن أقرأ أذهان معظم الثدييات ، ولكن ليس كل شيء ، بضعة أنواع من الطيور واحد أو اثنين من أنواع الأسماك. عدا ذلك ، يتم إغلاق أساسا مملكة الحيوان قبالة لي.

ويستند عادة عقل حيوان حول العاطفة من الخوف وهذا كل المستويات فقط مختلفة من الخوف ، وعندما الخوف يصل إلى مستوى منخفض ، والعواطف أخرى تبدأ في تقديم أنفسهم. وعادة ما يحدث ذلك فقط مع الحيوانات الأليفة الذين القليل جدا للقلق وحول أي شيء يهدد بقائهم على قيد الحياة على الفور.

هذا القط أن الأول كان يحدق الآن في آخر من هذا القبيل ، وقرأت عميقا كما في انه العقل ما استطيع ، وكان وجود معنى ان القط كان ، مثل الكثير من بلدي وليس لديها أي أوهام حول ذلك ، ومرت انها أيام النوم ، تتخبط ، واستكشاف وتناول الطعام. لا أكثر ولا مع أي غرض حقيقي بقدر ما استطيع أن أرى.

ولكنه كان سعيدا ، إنها الخوف كان على مستوى منخفض ، وهذا كل ما يهتم به ، ولم المسألة إلى القط انه أدى وجود معنى لها ، واعتقد ان قد يكون الفرق الرئيسي بين الناس والحيوانات ، ويشعر أبدا وكأن هذا العالم أن يكون له معنى. يذهبون من خلال حياتهم ، وفهم العالم بأفضل ما يمكن ولكن اذا لم يتمكنوا من الحصول على كل شيء ، لا يهم ، والحيوانات تبدو دائما لمعرفة أين يقفون. معظم البشر أنا مواجهة لم يتم العثور على مكانهم في العالم حتى الآن ، وربما لن.

تمنيت ، لفترة من الوقت ، وأنني يمكن أن يكون مثل القطط ، غير مكترثة ، لا أمل ، باستمرار ، عن أفضل شيء لتأتي على طول ، ولكن بعد فترة ، بدأت لجعل نفسي اعتقد ان مثل القط. Rummaging حولها في الاعتبار الحيوان لفترة طويلة ربما تغيرت بلدي التفكير قليلا ، وكنت أكثر سعادة قليلا الآن ، والتفكير ، لا شيء يهم فعلا ، فلماذا أنا قلق؟

حصلت بعد القط وبعيدا عن الأنظار ، وكنت قد فقدت الاتصال العقل ، وذهب يبحث عن والدي ، وأنا لمست عقله بعد بضع دقائق من وتجول وسط الحشود وذهبت إليه ، وكان يجلس في مجموعة صغيرة على الرواق الخلفي لكنه لم تنتبه كثيرا لأنني جلست على الأرض بجانب كرسيه. وكانت المجموعة نقاشا ساخنا حول السياسة ، وهو موضوع ، حتى في تلك السن ، كنت قد فهمت جيدا الى حد ما ، وإن كان أبدا أقل قليلا مهتما ب.

جلست ، والاستماع إلى أصوات من حين لآخر صامت من عقولهم ، ومشاهدة والاستماع إلى مجموعة الحديث عن بيل كلينتون ، راش ليمبو ، وهذه الأرقام الأخرى التي يبدو أن المهم في ذلك العام. وكل هذه الأسلحة لا تهمني ، وإن كنت استمع فقط نفس الشيء لأنني لم يكن من الأفضل أن تفعل. لا أحد طلب مني في المجموعة لأي من وجهات نظري حول المواضيع ومعظم ، لم ينتبه حتى كنت هناك.

كان هناك امرأة تجلس على الجانب الآخر من والدي ، وكان واضحا تماما أنه يحب لها ، أعتقد ، ربما ، غير أن العقل يمكن أن القارئ قد شهدت وجود عامل جذب ، على الرغم من انها لا يبدو للحصول على وكان ذلك ، فهي لا تساهم كثيرا في المناقشة ، ومجرد الجلوس بصمت ، يشبه إلى حد كبير كنت اقوم به. احتفظ الدي يبحث في أكثر لها ، وأتساءل عما اذا كانت تتفق مع النقاط التي تبذل ، على أمل انه لا يجعل من نفسه الخروج إلى وقد تبدو مثل احمق في عينيها وهو يتحدث. والحقيقة هي ، انها لا تبالي كثيرا. مثلي ، انها ليست مهتمة في المحادثة.

كنت قد دفعت في طريقي في عمق عقله ، في محاولة لمعرفة ما اذا كانت ستكون مباراة معقولة عن والدي. اسمها سوزان سميث ، وكانت وحيدة ، لم تكن متزوجة. أفترض أنها كانت تبحث عن علاقة ، على الرغم من أنه لم يكن رغبة ملحة ، وكانت لم تجتذب خاصة إلى والدي ولكن إذا تمكنت من الحصول على اثنين منهم التوصيل ، فكنت أحسب انها ربما تغير رأيها.

She got up to go to the bathroom after a few moments and I followed her.  No one noticed me going.

I waited for her, standing next to the bathroom door until she came back out.  When she did I stepped out in front of her.  She nearly tripped over me.  “Whoa,” she said.  “I didn't see you there, little girl.  Did you need to use the bathroom?”

“Hi Susan,” I said.  “No, I don't need the bathroom.  Actually I was hoping to talk to you about something.”

She gave me an odd look, the look most adults would give me when they first heard me speak.  I guess I sounded older than I looked.

“And what's your name?” she asked.

“Carol.”

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

“It's about my father.”

“I'm sorry,” she replied.  “I don't know who he is.”

“The man you were sitting next to, out on the porch.”

“What about him?”

“He likes you,” I said.

She smiled and laughed a stunned little laugh.  “What?”  She shook her head.

“He's not doing anything this Friday night,” I said.  “You should ask him to go to the movies or something.”

She peered down at me.  “I don't understand.  Why are you telling me this?”

“Come on,” I said, motioning with my hand.  “Follow me.”  I led her out of the house to a spot near the garage where there were less people standing around.  Susan was shocked by what I had told her.  She wasn't surprised that my dad had some attraction toward her, but she was surprised that someone like me would be confronting her with it.

“So are you going to ask him?” I said

“I don't understand,” she replied.  “Why do you want me to ask him out?”

I shrugged.  The truth is, I just wanted something to do while I was at this party.  It didn't make that much difference to me if my dad had a date.

“So are you going to ask him?” I said again.

“What makes you think he likes me so much anyway?”

“He told me.  He made me promise not to tell anyone though.”

“I don't even know his name.”

“Nathan,” I said.  “His name's Nathan.  So are you going to ask him?”

She smiled down at me.  “I'll tell you what, I'll go back and talk to him for a while, and if he turns out to be an okay guy, yeah, then I'll ask him.  Is that okay?”

“Sounds good.”

We walked back to the back of the house.  I ran ahead of Susan so that my father wouldn't think that we had spoken.  I sat down next to him and a few moments later Susan came and sat down next to me, so I was down between them.

Sure enough, she started talking to him.  I sat and listened to their conversation drift between different light topics for almost an hour.  She finally asked him to go to the movies with her and he gladly accepted.  Content, now, with the knowledge that I wouldn't be needed to make sure things ran smoothly, I got up and left.

I went looking for the kids again.  I hoped that they had found something more interesting to do and that I could join in.

It was getting dark now so they had decided to play a game of tag amongst the trees.  I found them back in the woods a little ways, laughing, screaming and running around in pursuit of each other.  I noticed that the group now consisted of five boys and no girls.  Apparently they hadn't wanted to join in.

When the five boys were finished with the next round of their game, without pausing to search their minds to find what their answer would be, I asked them if they would mind if I joined in their game.

They looked at each other for a moment then one of them turned to me and said, “We want to play by ourselves,” or words to that effect.  “You can watch though, if you don't get in the way.”  He was afraid that since I was a girl I wouldn't be able to run as fast or play as well and I wouldn't be any sort of a challenge.

So I sat and I watched.  Just an observer, nothing more.  That always seemed to be how my life went anyway.

I had come to this party, perhaps, with the hope of making a friend, finding someone I could connect with.  That's what I wanted more than anything.  Instead, I felt more alone than I ever had before.

An hour or two passed and it was time to leave.  I got up and found my father and we went home.  I was more than a little happy to be done with that night.

He started dating Susan soon after that, though their relationship didn't last more than a few months.  I never had anything to do with it after that first night.  They would go out on Friday or Saturday nights, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter, feeling withdrawn from the situation and more than a little lonely.  I always seemed withdrawn from situations though.  I was always, just an observer.

______      ______      ______

Not long after the relationship between my father and Susan Smith had broken up, I asked my dad if he would like to move.  I knew that he did, though he was too worried that I had grown attached to the house and my surroundings to suggest it.  Once he knew that I felt the urge to move on to some new place too, he did not hesitate in putting the house up for sale.  We packed up our stuff and left our home without wasting much time at all.

My plans had been more for a small move.  Maybe to another part of town, a smaller house that would be easier for my father to afford on his unsteady pay as a young-adult mystery fiction writer.  The most I expected was maybe a move to another city or maybe to another providence but a month later, I found myself on the other side of the continent, in another country, moving into a small condominium in New York City.  I guess that made sense, since my father wanted to be closer to his editors.

What surprised me was how little the move affected me.  I had expected everything to be different in New York.  New city, new home, new country, but everything seemed the same.  Same life, different background setting.

I realized I hadn't left anything behind.  There had been nothing at my home in British Columbia that I had become attached to and I didn't feel even the slightest pang of loss as I left it behind.  I didn't have any friends, at least none that I truly cared for.  The only person I could actually say that I loved, was my father, and even then, I think I could have easily lived without him.

It has been that way for me all my life, never growing attached to anything or anyone.  It's been that way up until very recently, anyway.

______      ______      ______

When I hit middle-school, I started dating.  I never found it very difficult to find a member of the opposite sex that was interested in me, though I found it difficult to ever get interested in any of them.  There were so many boys to choose from but they all seemed the same.  They were all too predictable.  Nothing was ever new with any of them.

Boys, for the most part, are only interested in one thing anyway, especially at that age.  I knew and accepted that from the beginning.  For a many of my boyfriends I gave them what they wanted.  Why not?, I thought.

In all of the minds of the adults I knew at the time, sex seemed like such a big thing that brought everyone so much pleasure.  I never got it though.  I never saw the joy in the act that others seemed to.  Perhaps that was because of my age.  Maybe I was simply too young to get the right experience from sex, but most of my partners seemed to.  So there must have been something wrong with me, I thought.  So I continued experimenting with different guys for a couple years, hoping each time, that this one would be different, that this one would make me happy.  But it was always the same, I'd lie down with some guy, he'd be overly anxious, and three minutes later we'd have to think of something else to do.

By the time I hit high school, I had given it up simply because of extreme boredom–and also I didn't want to make a name for myself.  I gave up dating almost entirely and decided that if I was ever going to find joy in life, it probably wouldn't be from something so simple.

______      ______      ______

Nothing too interesting happened to me in the following years as I went through high school and entered college.  I never had any difficulty maintaining a straight “A” average, in fact, never seemed to have any difficulty with anything.

I think that I have been writing this a little one-sidedly.  Perhaps I have been trying to make you feel sorry for me.  I've been trying to convey how lonesome and stagnant my life could be.  But, in fact, it wasn't all terrible.  I never had difficulty accomplishing anything.  This, of course, was mostly due to my power.  I always knew that I could make a stable future for myself through the use of my ability.  If all else failed I could become a professional gambler and make quite a good living, or even announce to everyone what I was and gain some fame and fortune.  That was always an option.

So I went on with my life, mostly bored but basically hopeful for the future.

I moved into my own apartment when I was eighteen, got a simple waitressing job and supported myself with that for the next six years.  I could have worked for something better I suppose, especially after I had gotten my degree in psychology, (why I chose psychology, I can't tell you; I guess I thought it was somehow fitting) but I never felt the need for more money or a nicer place to live so I never bothered.  Wealth, to me, always seemed like just status, something to show off, and I was never into making people think I was better than them.

I was as happy now as I ever hoped to be for I could see no other opportunities my life had to offer.

______      ______      ______

One thing that I enjoyed doing was attending rock concerts.  The one problem with this though was that a good concert from a band that I liked was fairly rare but when they came around, two or three times a year, I would enjoy them to their fullest.  There was something about that smell that gave me such a great feeling.  If you've ever been to such a performance you know: the smell of ninety percent human perspiration and ten percent marijuana.  And it was the fun of being in such a huge crowd, the thousands of minds pressing down on mine and melting together into one.  That could usually give me a thrill.

It was at one such concert that my life changed.

The band was Picknickel by name and opening up for them was a band I had never heard before called Flow.

It was early in Flow's performance and I was beginning to get into the music.  The arena was dark except for the stage where colored lights flashed through a constant flood of smoke.

I spent most of my time close to the front, down in the middle of the pit.  That's what I enjoyed the most.  Dozens of people were constantly pressing against me, leaping around in time to the music.

Then I saw one man thrown up, above the crowd, very near me.  I watched him as he rolled around above our heads and finally fell through to the ground again.  I looked over to where he had gone up and saw that there was a group of people congregating within the masses and lifting up any individual who wished to go.  I began forcing my way through the tightly packed bodies towards that area because I felt an urge to go up.  Crowd surfing is always the most enjoyable part of a concert like this.

I reached my destination and a man, probably twenty years old, about five years younger than me, offered out his hands for me to step into as is the proper procedure for such a situation.  As I lifted my right foot to put in the cradle his hands had made, I tried to focus on his mind.  I blocked everything out and concentrated on him.

And suddenly everything went blank.  Within all those people, all those minds, it all went blank and I was alone.

Somebody knocked into me from the side and I nearly fell but was able to grab onto the shoulders of others around me and hold myself up.  My sense returned and I looked back up at the man who I had tried to read.  He gave me a shrug, since the music was too loud to make verbal communication possible, as if to ask if I planned to go up or not.  But I was too stunned by what had happened to make a reply.

I tried entering his mind once again but this time I made no attempt to block out all the others.  To my astonishment, I hit a barrier, something I could not penetrate.  This man was unreadable, though I was not completely sure of that since there was too much confusion to be sure of anything.  I tried him again and yes, yes, completely blank, as if he were nothing more than a cardboard cut out and not a flesh and blood person.

He put his hands down and waved them impatiently and I had no choice but to step into them and allow myself to be lifted up above the crowds.  I floated for half a minute or so, being tossed randomly about then fell through onto the plywood floor.  The crowd moved aside for me and someone helped me get to my feet.

After gaining my bearings again I looked around for the man whose mind I hadn't been able to enter but he was gone, lost in the crowds.  There was no hope of finding him again.  Finding such a tiny gap in such a huge mass of minds all converging would be nearly impossible.

I remembered his face though.  Hopefully that would be enough.  I had to meet this man and find out what made him different.

I pushed my way out of the front pit area and out into a more open area where the crowd wasn't so dense and found a place against the back wall of the arena to sit down.

What could have happened?, I wondered.  I had never experienced anything like that.  I had always been able to read the mind of anyone I came in contact with.  There were many species of animals that I could not read, whose minds were blocked from me, but humans' minds were basically all the same in form and structure.  It shouldn't have been possible for this one man to be so different.

Perhaps he's an alien, I thought, posing as a human.

I wasn't quick to jump to such outlandish conclusions though.  I must have imagined the whole thing, I thought.  And that's the Conclusion I stuck with.  It was just a trick, something about all those minds converging that made it seem as though I hadn't been able to read him.

After resting for another five or ten minutes, I got up and headed back toward the mosh pit.

______      ______      ______

I stood in line, about an hour later, waiting to buy a Pepsi to quench the thirst I had built up since I had been dancing.  Flow had stopped playing and everyone must have been taking a break at the same time for the refreshment lines were surprisingly long.  I had been waiting about ten minutes and was barely half way to the front.  I was a fairly patient person though I was beginning to get incredibly thirsty.

Suddenly I sensed something odd, to my right, in the next line.  I couldn't tell you what it was exactly–just a sense that something wasn't right.

I looked over my shoulder and saw him.  He was just standing in line, silently waiting.  It didn't appear as though he was with anyone.  I stood, staring at him, trying to enter his mind and was completely unsuccessful.  I tried again, scanning the minds of the people standing near him and passing over his.  I was sure of it now.  There was a gap that I couldn't deny.  It was as if he was completely brain dead.

He noticed me staring at him and looked over at me.  I smiled, nodded to him and looked away.  Several seconds later I looked back and he was still staring at me.

His line moved a few steps forward and he was nearly beside me.

“Hello,” he said.  “Do you find something interesting with me?  You seemed to be staring pretty hard.”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” I replied quickly.  “I didn't mean to draw attention to myself.”

“It's no problem.”

“You remind me of someone I know,” I lied.  “That's why I was looking at you like that.”

“Ah.”  He paused and nodded.  “You didn't hurt yourself when you fell, did you?  It looked like you hit the floor pretty hard.”

“No, no.  No damage done.  Somebody helped me up.”

“I'm glad to hear it.  So many people these days are so quick to trample you if you fall.  So what's your name?”

“Carol.”

“Hi, I'm Daniel.”  He held out his hand for me and I took it.

We made small talk until we had bought our drinks and then went off together back toward the arena.  We ended up sitting against the back barrier that separated the bleachers from the main floor.  The lights were much brighter now that there was no band on stage.

“So do you go by Dan or Daniel?” I asked, trying desperately to start a conversation that we both could find interesting.  I was having a great deal of difficulty since I had no idea what subjects interested him.

“I generally go by Daniel,” he replied.

I nodded.  “Most people, I think, would go by Dan.  Maybe they think Daniel has a sort of dorky ring to it.  I think it says something about your character that you would want to go by the complete version.”

He shrugged.  “It's just a name. I think people read too much into things like that.”

“You're probably right about that.  I think people read too much into just about everything.”  At this point I was just babbling about any subject I could think of.  “Like writers.  Everyone thinks that the stories they write somehow reflect who they are and how they act, that the characters they create are just duped up versions of themselves.  Stephen King, I'll bet you, isn't some perverted serial murderer like his story characters–just as an example–though I've never met him.  The only thing a story reveals about an author is what kind of stuff he or she likes to write about.  Sometimes not even that.”

“Do you write?”

“No, I've never had any interest in writing.  It all seems kind of pointless to me.  You create a bunch of characters, throw them together in some sort of conflict and hope that it turns out good.  I've never been able find story characters very believable.  I guess if I can't see them, they just seem one-dimensional to me.  My father does a lot of writing though.  Makes an okay living at it.”

“Is that right?  What kind of stuff does he write?”

“Young adult mysteries.  Short novels mostly.”

“What's his name?  Maybe I've heard of him.”

“Nathan Schlicting.”

He paused, then shook his head.  “Nope.  Never heard of him.”

“He's not famous.”

Daniel looked around the arena, lifted himself up a little to get a better view.  “It's taking quite a while.  When's Picknickel coming on?”

“How should I know?” I replied.  “Be patient.  It hasn't even been thirty minutes yet.”

He slid back down the wall to his original sitting position.  “You want a cigarette?” he asked, pulling a pack from his pocket.

“You smoke?” I said.

“Nope,” he replied, carefully lighting his cigarette with a pocket lighter.

I stared at him for a few seconds, wondering about his choice of words.  “It certainly looks like you do.”

He smiled at me and laughed.  “Well, don't ask stupid questions.  Do you want one or not?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He passed me a cigarette and lit it for me.  “That was kind of mean of me, wasn't it?  I'm sorry.  You were just trying to make conversation.”

I said, “Don't worry about it.”  I tried as hard as I could to smoke the cigarette like I knew what I was doing and keep from coughing and looking like an idiot.  It seemed strange for me to be worried so much about what I looked like in the eyes of another person.

“So what is it that you do?” I asked.

“I go to concerts,” Daniel replied.

“What do you do for a living, I mean.”

“I don't do anything.  I won the Lottery a few years back and have been living off that, traveling around the country, going to shows.”

“Are you kidding me?”  Maybe it was just the fact that I couldn't read his mind, but this guy was seeming weirder and weirder the longer I talked to him.  I began wishing that I could just reach in, getting a glimpse of what he was thinking.  It was becoming frustrating how his mind was completely closed off to me.  But there was a sense of mystery, of the unknown, with Daniel that I had never experienced and was greatly enjoying.

“I just drive around,” he said, “seeing concerts, exploring the country.  That's just about all I do.”

“Exciting life?”

“Sometimes.  It gets lonely sometimes.”

“Where does your family live?”

“I don't have one.  I grew up in an orphanage.”

“Really?” I said.

Perhaps I would have pressed him on the subject, asked him what it was like to grow up without parents but I had no idea how he felt about the subject and was too frightened I'd offend him by asking personal questions.

“So what bands have you seen in your touring?” I asked.

“Well, I was in Chicago a week ago and saw–”

The lights suddenly went down and a cheer came up from the crowd.

“Oh, here we go.”  Daniel stood up quickly.  “Picknickel's coming on.  I'll see you later, Carol.  I'm going to try to get down in the pit before they start their first song.”  And he walked off, toward the front of the arena, not looking back.

I couldn't believe it.  He was just walking off.  He wasn't even going to ask me for my phone number.  Why would he spend so much time talking to me and then just walk off, not bothering to find out if he could see me again?  He was totally baffling to me.

I watched him go, wanting to call out to him but not being able to bring myself to do it.  I was simply too stunned.

An immense light show began as Picknickel took the stage, making quite a showy entrance.  When I looked back down, Daniel was lost in the crowd.

______      ______      ______

I walked out of the concert, staring at the ground, trying to ignore the minds of the people walking close by.  The band had played loudly.  That, coupled with all the minds weighing down on me and my confusing encounter with Daniel had given me quite a headache.

It had still been an enjoyable show, though, I had to admit.

I reached the parking lot I had spent seven dollars to use, and after several minutes was able to find my car.  As I fumbled with the keys, I noticed a dark figure several rows away.  There were others, scattered about the parking lot, searching for their cars, but this particular figure caught my attention more than anyone else.  I focused my mind on the figure and as I half expected, could not get in.  Apparently I had become quite adept at noticing the gap that Daniel represented, though it hadn't been a conscious effort.

He was beginning to get into his car now.  I started walking toward him but increased my pace to a run when it looked as though he was about to leave.

I reached his vehicle and he looked up at me from the driver's seat.  He smiled, looking surprised by my appearance.  Rolling down the window, he said, “Hey, it's you.  I thought I'd lost you.”

“I thought I lost you too,” I said, leaning against the back window of his car.  “Why did you run off like that?”

“Picknickel was coming on.  I wanted to get up front before they started playing.”

“I was kind of expecting you to ask for my phone number,” I said.

“I kind of wanted to.  Maybe I was a little too nervous.”

We stared at each other for a long while, saying nothing.  The midnight breeze made me shiver.

“You want to come in?” he asked, indicating the passenger seat.

I shrugged.  “Sure,” I replied, and started around the back of his car to the passenger door.  He unlocked it for me and I got in.

He leaned over in front of me and pulled a notepad and a mechanical pencil out of the glove compartment.  “You want to give me your number now–since you're so anxious?”

“I'm anxious, you think?”

“You expect me to pick you up like some chick at a single's bar.”

“Where do you get that from?” I asked.

“You do.  That's what you expect.  That's what you want me to do.  Don't try to deny it, Carol.”

“All right.  Okay,” I said.  “That's what I was expecting, not specifically what I was hoping for though.”

“What are you hoping for?”

I smiled and laughed, desperately uncomfortable with the situation.  I had no way to tell what he thought of me, so naturally, I felt apprehensive about talking to him.  I had no way of knowing what he wanted me to say.

“I'm hoping I can see you again,” I said.

He stared at me, his head cocked slightly, and nodded.  “All right.  I think I'd like that too.”  He clicked his pencil and handed it to me along with the notepad.  I wrote my name and number and gave it back to him.

“Do you have to be anywhere tonight?” he said as he stuffed the scrap of paper in his wallet.  “You don't have to be to work tomorrow morning, do you?  I don't want to prevent you from getting enough sleep.”

“Don't worry.  I don't need to be anywhere.”

After several seconds of silence, he said, “Would you like to hear some music?”  He pulled a small book of compact discs from under the seat and handed it to me.  “Pick one.”

We spent the next hour and a half listening to his CD's and talking.  The subjects of conversation drifted from one to another fairly easy.  We were rarely stuck for anything to say, though I cannot remember even half the things we talked about.  None of it was especially important.  We were just getting to know each other better.

At about two in the morning, I decided it was time to leave.  I feared if I stayed any longer I would have difficulty driving in my already tired state.  “You're going to call me, right?” I said as I stepped out of the car.  He had no number that he could give me and so I was feeling as if I had very little control over the situation and just had to make sure.

“Yeah, I'll call you,” said Daniel.  “Sometime next week, okay?”

“Sure.”  I threw the door closed and walked back toward my own car, several rows down.  I looked back once as I heard him start his own car and gave a friendly wave.

______      ______      ______

Instead of calling, Daniel showed up, several days later at the Denny's where I worked, at three in the morning.  He came in, sat down at the bar and I went over to him.

“What can get for you?” I said, for lack of a better greeting.

“Hello, Carol,” he said.  “Coffee and a menu, please.”

I handed him a menu and waved at the other waitress to pour him some coffee.  “I assume you're here to see me.  Correct?  If not, this is quite a coincidence.”

“I'm here to see you, of course.”

“How did you know I worked here?” I asked.

“You told me.”

I couldn't remember when I had told him that, though I didn't think much of it at the time.  “Why didn't you call?” I asked.

"غير شخصي جدا."

“How's that?  You don't like the phone?”

“You can't tell anything about a person from a phone conversation.  You weren't sitting around, waiting for me to call, were you?”

“No,” I said, though, in a way, I had been.

He nodded.  “So when do you get off work?”

“About forty-five minutes.”

“Do you want to do something after you get out?”

I stared at him, trying to imagine what he could possibly be thinking and not having much success.  “It's three-AM,” I said.

Daniel shrugged.  “I'ma night-owl.  I can't help it.  Maybe we could take a walk through Central Park, watch the sunrise or something.”

“Central Park at this time a night?” I said.

“You don't fear going out, do you?”

“No, of course not.”

“Don't worry,” he said.  “I'll protect you.”

“I'm sure you will,” I replied, sarcastically.

“Well, I would… if there was no risk to me, personally.  Actually, to tell you the truth, I'd probably run at the first sign of trouble.”

I laughed at this.

“I'm being completely serious,” he said.

I shook my head.  “God, you're weird.”

“Well, I try.”

______      ______      ______

“Did you actually want to go to central park?” I asked as we walked out of the restaurant together.

“Hell, no,” Daniel replied.  “That place scares me.”

“Have you ever been there?”

"لا".

“Well, we have to go back to my place before we do anything,” I said.  “Where's your car?”

“I took a cab.”

“So I guess you're coming with me.”

It was a fifteen minute drive to my apartment.  Daniel came in and waited in the living room while I changed out of my work clothes.

“So what did you have in mind for us to do?” I asked as I came out of the bedroom.

“Don't ask me to come up with something, Carol.  I'm really bad at it.  Why don't you think of something?”

“You were the one who asked if I wanted to do something.”  I crossed the room and sat down beside him on the couch.  “Nothing's going to be open this time of night.  What could we do?  Would you rather just stay here and watch TV?”

“That would be okay.”

We sat together and flipped through the five hundred stations for forty-five minutes without finding anything worth watching.  Eventually my thumb got sore and I handed him the remote.  He went through the stations slower than I was used to, which annoyed me a great deal.  Eventually I asked him to just turn it off.

Then we talked.  This time the conversation was more personal than it had been a week ago in his car.  Perhaps it was the early morning tiredness we both were feeling that made us speak more openly.  We talked of past relationships and our plans for the future.  I told him about my mother, gave him a brief overview of how she died, though did not go into details.  I did not tell him about what else happened on the night of my mother's death, nor did I tell him anything of my powers.  I still didn't know him well enough to tell him something like that, and since I could not read him, I would have no way of proving it to him.  I assumed that I would always keep it a secret from him.

He put his arm around me at one point and didn't seem to be at all apprehensive about doing so.  I figured that was simply because his mind was closed off to me so his fearfulness just wasn't thrown in my face like it would have been with most men.

It didn't take us long to start kissing.  I don't recall who it was that initiated it.  It just seemed to start without my noticing it.  After a few moments, I found my hands frantically running over his body and a great fear ran through me, like nothing I had experienced before.  I didn't know this man and had no possible way of knowing what he was capable of.  Things were moving too quickly, but I just couldn't seem to help myself.

Without saying a word we got up and walked, hand in hand, to the bedroom.  We made love at five in the morning, as the sun was beginning to rise outside.  I was scared at first, not knowing what to expect, but I soon lost myself in the moment.  I must admit, now, that it was probably the most thrilling experience of my life.  I had never thought sex could be like that.  Without Daniel's thoughts getting in my way, it left me free to explore my own emotions more thoroughly and I could fully enjoy the moment.

After it was over, we lay, huddled together silently, for an hour or so.  I eventually fell into a deep sleep, feeling surprisingly comfortable with a person I knew so little about.

______      ______      ______

Daniel showed up at work the next night and the night after that.  We began spending all our free time together–or all of my free time.  Daniel didn't work, had no obligations.  He always had free time.

We would go out to dinner together every night.  He always paid.  He said that he felt guilty about taking advantage of my hospitality.  (Since he had no permanent residence, he had been living in my apartment.)

Something was happening to me and I couldn't seem to make myself believe it.  I was falling in love.  It was such a strange experience for me.  I had never believed it was possible and yet here it was happening.  It wasn't just that I couldn't read Daniel's mind and the fact that I found him so unpredictable; there was something more, something I couldn't explain to you but that I was falling hopelessly in love with.

Underneath it all, I couldn't help wondering if he felt the same way for me.  I kept asking myself that question, over and over again.  But it wasn't as frustrating as I would have thought.  It was a mystery, and, as I have told you, I always loved mysteries.  I treated it as such.  I looked for clues in the way he acted, in the way he treated me and the way he looked at me.  From what I could see, yes, he was in love with me, but I was well aware of the fact that I was not adept at interpreting a person's emotions without any extrasensory perception.

One person can never be totally devoted to another.  From examining many relationships, I have realized this.  I had never been able to get close to anyone, knowing that they weren't completely in love with me.  With Daniel, however, I could pretend.  That was enough.  I didn't know for sure, and didn't want to.

I still did not know him, nor could I expect to get to know him as well as I could get to know anyone else, but that did not concern me.  I was happier now than I had ever been and that's all that mattered–or all that should matter.

______      ______      ______

I had been seeing Daniel for nearly three months when he called me at work and asked me to meet him at a little cafe we had been to a couple times before.  He said he wanted to talk to me about something.

When I pulled into the restaurant, he was already waiting for me in a booth by the window.

I came in and sat across the table from him.  I hadn't seen him in a couple of days and he looked somehow different today.  “What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” I asked.

He looked down at the table for a moment.  “Would you like anything to eat?” he said.

I started to wonder what this could be about.  This seemed so strange.  For the first time that I had noticed, Daniel seemed nervous about something.  He was clearly uncomfortable with what he was going to say.

“Tell me what this is about first.”

He looked up at me and gave a long pause.  “I'm leaving,” he said and turned away from me, closed his eyes tight and put his hand to his head, as if he was trying to force something out of his mind.

I stared at him, not giving any visual signs of the shock I was feeling.  “You're leaving,” I said simply.  “Why?  Where are you going?”

“I've got to move on,” he said, still looking away from me.  “I've stayed here too long.  I don't like people getting attached to me.  I have to break this off before anything happens in our relationship.”

“I thought something already happened,” I said, stupidly.

“Maybe for you,” he replied.

I said nothing.  Even though I couldn't see his face, I could tell that he was having as much difficulty with this as I was.

“I'm sorry I have to do this to you, Carol, but I just can't stay here any longer.  It's in my nature to keep traveling.  I know you were hoping I'd settle down with you but I just can't do that.”

“I understand,” I said.  “I've been in your place before.”

“I doubt you've ever been in exactly the same position I am.  This is very hard for me, Carol–not that I think it isn't hard for you too–but it's different for me.  I usually break up with someone over the phone.  I know that sounds cruel and impersonal but that's how I generally do it.  It's just easier.”

“I can see how that would be.  Why is it different with me, though?”

“I don't really know.  You're different from other girls.  I don't know how else to explain it to you.”  He looked at me now and for the first time since he'd started talking, I got a clear view of his face.  He said, “You have such a unique mind.”

This time I felt the shock showing on my face.  My eyes widened, my mouth dropped open.  “What do you mean by that,” I said, barely able to get the words out.

He took a deep breath.  “I can read minds, Carol.  I can read yours and I have been ever since we've been seeing each other.  That's why this is so hard for me, because I know how strongly you feel about me.”

I stared at him, dumbfounded.  Unable to think of anything to say, I remained silent.  The silence went on for several seconds.

“My God, you believe me,” he said.

“I believe you.”

"لماذا؟"

“Why not?  I never thought you would want to leave me.  This is just one more thing on top of that.”

“I've never told anyone before.  I figured no one would believe me.”

“I don't think anyone would,” I said.

“You believe me.”

“You said yourself, I have a very unique mind.”

“You do.”

“How so?” I asked.  I was quite curious of what someone else's opinion of my mind would be.

“How so,” he said.  “Your signal is weak, for one thing.  That's not a bad thing.  It just means I have a little more difficulty reading you.  You are so much more intelligent than most people but don't seem to care or don't try to use that to your advantage.  You understand human nature so well and grasp concepts so quickly.  Does any of this sound familiar?”

“You're being fairly general,” I replied.

“You have a strong mind.”

“Strong?”

“I mean, incorruptible.  I can usually influence the thoughts of most people I meet but not so much with you.  I can a little bit.  That's why you noticed me in the parking lot at the Picknickel concert.  I was calling to you.”

This was quickly becoming the most shocking conversation I had ever been involved with.  Not only was Daniel a mind reader like me, but he had the power to change people's thoughts.  That's something I have tried occasionally to do, but have never had success with.  He must have one powerful mind, so powerful I couldn't read it.

I started thinking about the belief I had always had about the possible existence of God.  I had always thought that if there was a God, He would have a mind that I could read.  And here was Daniel, someone who certainly was not a god but who, nevertheless, had a very powerful mind that I could not read.  Right there, I started changing my belief systems.  I had been talking to Daniel for only a few minutes and everything had changed.  Anything was possible now.  I wasn't as omniscient as I had once believed.

But Daniel wasn't as omniscient as he believed either.  Somehow, though he had had complete access to my mind, had missed the fact that I was a telepath.

“You have a unique relationship with your father.  I almost never meet a person who loves a parent as much as you love your father.  It's like he's your best friend.  I wish I had something like that.”

“You grew up in an orphanage,” I said, almost to myself.

“Actually no, I didn't.  I had parents.  Two of them.”

“You lied to me?”

“I moved out when I was fifteen,” he said.  “They didn't love me.  I showed off my power too much.  They never knew exactly what I had, but they knew I was different.  They feared me.  I couldn't take it any more so I left.  I haven't seen them in eight years.”

I stared across the table at him, trying to take in everything that he was saying.  I had always thought of myself as unfortunate, that if there was anyone else with my power, they would have a much happier and fuller life than I had.  I could hardly comprehend Daniel's position, being completely on his own, not attached to anything.

“Don't pity me, Carol,” he said.  “I wouldn't give up my power.  Not for anything.  It's given me too much.  But it's caused me some problems.  I can't ever get really close to a person.  It's like I know them too well.  It's a little different with you.  I can't dig as far into your mind as I can with most people.  That's what attracted me to you, but in the end, it's just the same thing.  I can't love you, and that's basically all I wanted to tell you.  I didn't mean to get into all of this.  I've never told anyone about my power.”

“Have you ever met anyone with your power?” I asked.

“No, I've never met anyone else like me.  Why do you believe I'm telling you the truth?  This is something I should have to prove to you.”

“You tell me,” I said.  “Why do I believe you?”

“I don't know.  I told you, I can't dig as deep into you as I can with most people.  And right now my mind is a little clouded with my own feelings.”

“So are you going to offer me some proof of this, even though I do believe you?”

“All right,” he said.  “Why don't I tell you about the night your mother died?  You said she died in a car wreck, but I know the details.”

He knows about that night?, I wondered.  How could he and still not know about my own power?  “All right,” I said.  “Why don't you tell about that?”

“You were barely five years old, sitting in the back seat of some old station wagon.  You had some kind of connection with that car, like it was some safe haven or a trusted friend.  Your dad was driving, your mom in the front passenger seat.  She wasn't wearing a seat belt.  Some old drunk guy came across the median and slammed into the right side of your car, ripping everything apart and killing your mother.  What really sticks in my mind is her face–the way there was no blood on it, the way it looked so perfect and yet the back of her head had been so thoroughly crushed, beyond any recognition.  I keep seeing the little bits of glass, coated with blood.  They looked like little jewels.

“What I can't understand, is the way your dad just let you stare at her, holding you in his arms, looking in, just outside of the drivers side door.  If I was him, I'd want to get you away from there as quickly as possible.  Something like that is traumatic enough without staring at it longer.  I guess he was probably too much in shock to think about that though.”

He looked at me for a second and cocked his head.  “Does that prove to you that I wasn't lying?”

“I already believed you,” I said.

He had gotten the key points of the experience correct but had gotten the basic structure wrong.  He'd missed the whole point.  How could he have done that?, I wondered.  Perhaps his own thoughts had gotten in the way and he had perceived the experience in his own way and changed it without even knowing it.

What if I've been doing that?, I thought.  What if all this time I've been missing the big picture too?  Maybe people's minds aren't exactly as I perceive them.  Maybe I've been manipulating them so that they fit what I think they should be and not knowing it.

What if everything I've ever thought, is wrong?

“I know you believe me, Carol,” Daniel said.  “When I said I could read minds, I expected to have to prove it to you and that's what I  came up with.  I felt like I had to say it.”

“I understand,” I said.

He stood up slowly and looked down at me.  “I have to go now.  I've said what I had to say and now I must leave.  Maybe I'll call you someday.”

“You don't have to,” I said.

He nodded slowly.  “I'll call you.”  He turned to leave.

“Wait,” I said, wanting to tell him everything he had missed.  But as he turned back around I found myself unable to speak.  The entire conversation had been too shocking.  My stomach ached and, for some reason, I was unable to say what I thought he deserved to know.

“You never won the lottery, did you?” I said.

He shook his head.  “No, of course not.  I find money here and there.  I get by.  Having this ability makes it easy to get cash.  I gamble a lot, stuff like that.  I steal sometimes, when I know no one's looking, but I try to keep that to a minimum.”  He turned again and I let him go.

I sat silently, still stunned.  I looked out the window and watched him get into his car.  He saw me and stopped for a second but didn't wave.

How could I just let him go?  He needed to know.  I found it amazing that I could do this to him.  It would change his life so drastically to know that there was someone else.  It had changed my life, probably for the better.  He deserved to know that he hadn't been reading me completely.  I deserved to hear him talk more about what telepathy was like for him.  The two of us could learn so much from each other.  It would be such a wonderful opportunity for both of us and I was letting it end as if it was nothing.

Hardly even noticing what I was doing I leaped up from the table and sprinted out of the restaurant.  He was just starting to pull out of the parking space.  I ran up and slapped my hand against the side window.

“Carol?” he said as he rolled the window down.  “Carol, what are you doing?”

“Daniel,” I replied.  “I have something to tell you.”

______      ______      ______

So here I sit, writing all this out.  I feel as though this story needs to be told.

Daniel is sleeping in the next room.  He decided to give our relationship another chance.  I'm not sure exactly why.  Perhaps he realizes that there are more levels to me than he is capable of perceiving and doesn't know me as well as he thought.  Perhaps he does know me well enough and is only staying with me because he can't bring himself to go through the whole deal of breaking it off again.  We have something in common and maybe that is enough for him.  Maybe he's found something in me that he can actually fall in love with.

Or maybe not.

It doesn't matter.  I don't know what he's thinking.  That's okay.  I don't need to know.  I'm human.  I wasn't meant to be totally omniscient.  I wouldn't want to be.

Now that I know who Daniel is, I'm not quite so attached to him.  I can't say I don't love him but I think I could let him go.  Being with him doesn't bring me as much joy as it used to.  There's still a mystery to him, but now there's a mystery to the whole world.  Anything's possible.  That's something I hadn't realized until two months ago when I had that conversation in the cafe with Daniel.  I know now that I don't understand people as well as I always thought.  There's a mystery to every person that I have always missed but can now perceive.  So now I think more about those other people than I do about Daniel and our relationship doesn't matter to me so much anymore.

What does matter is that there is someone else like me.  Whether our relationship lasts or not, I know he will always be around.  He's someone I can relate to.  He's someone I can talk to, who knows where I'm coming from.  He understands me better than anyone else possibly could.  And I know now that I am no longer alone in this world.